Sunday, December 18, 2011

Christmas for the unmotivated



I am trying, I really am, to cultivate a good natured christmas feeling that warms the heart and cheers the soul. But somehow, it aint happining.

I'd like to blame the corporate big-wigs who seem determined to suck every last vestige of sentiment out of the holiday by starting the non stop christmas music before November...or the shops who put up their christmas decorations right after Labor day...or the snarky 'in your face' commertials extolling greed and guilt.

But I think its just me...I don't bake, I don't decorate, I don't have office parties (working at home sucks!). So all those thousands of christmas commertials are lost on me.

And this year the hubs and I decided not to get each other anything for the holidays as we already have just about everything two carbon based life forms can use. Last year I gave him a toothbrush and some razors, and he got me candy...yeah, we are done. So there is no reason to inflict that special joy of 'christmas shopping' on myself. I will say, it will feel very weird to wake up on Christmas morning to nothing...but he will be working so I guess I will just stay in bed with a good book.

At some point I will bake a cake to take to his sisters for dinner later in the day...he will be the zombie-like idiot sitting in the corner trying to be 'merry' on about 3 hours sleep...yippie.

So, I hope everyone else is having a much better holiday season than I am...next year I think I will haul my behind to some island and drink Mai-Tai's till ground hog day.

Friday, December 16, 2011

Christmas news letter...


I've always wanted to be the kind of person to enclose a new letter in my Christmas card...you know the type...'little baby-boy is reading at a 3rd grade level and has mastered Mandarin Chinese, pretty good for a 3 month old' kinda crap. But mine would say the same thing every year. All is well, nothing going on...everyone is reasonably healthy and working.

So, here is my first ever Christmas news letter dedicated to all my loyal readers...all 3 of you.

Merry Christmas, and I hope this letter finds you healthy and happy. This year I really focused on my hand made jewelry and opened a 2nd shop on Zibbet...so busy with creating new and wonderful things:

Translation: No, I still am not working, and as I live in this god forsaken state I can safely assume I will not be working in the near future unless Tractor Supply starts hiring people to hand out carts.

David is still working for the energy company...people just love their electricity, LOL. So when you look at your Christmas tree with is lovely blinking lights just remember that my hubby helped bring that joy to your family.

Translation: Hubs is still working the swing shift at that salt mine and will be working Christmas eve and Christmas day but it doesn't really matter as I didn't even put up a tree and we decided not to get each other any presents..Ho-freakin'Ho Ho Ho.

And the pets are being as playful as ever.

Translation: I'm 2 squirrel heads and a mouse face ahead of the vermin trying to gain access to the house.

And living out here in the woods at this time is so lovely, the snow and ice hanging from the branches creates such a wonderful feeling of Christmas.

Translation: That last ice storm brought down a shit-ton load of branches, knocking out the electricity for 2 days, freezing my pipes and leaving me with no other form of heat besides burning newspapers and magazines. The dogs proved a good source of residual heat. I could, however, go out and get a bucket full of snow and melt it to flush the toilet on occasion.

Its so peaceful out here, giving me a lot of time to enjoy my crafts, read and commune with nature.

Translation: every morning, up at the crack of noon, watch some Judge Judy and piddle around till I decide some time this week I should actually get dressed. Who the hell decided it was a good idea to put the mail box way the flock out at the road, now I gotta find some shoes so I can schlep out to the box to get my 97 credit card offers and a Christmas card from the gas company.

So, to all my friends and family, I wish you the warmest of Holiday cheer, a time of peace and fellowship and a new year of full of Happiness.

Translation: So, to all my friends and family, I wish you the warmest of Holiday cheer, a time of peace and fellowship and a new year of full of Happiness. Now bugger off!

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Craft shows, not for the faint of heart.



I did a craft show last weekend and while it seems like a lot of sitting around it is a lot of work. Its a huge undertaking for me just to be pleasant for that long of time, not to mention paying attention, sounding interested and making eye contact. I use to do shows once in a while back in the 80's and now I remember why I stopped. People are so dang...interesting...they either say some of the most unkind, profoundly stupid things, want to know your secrets on what glue you use, flat out ask how you do things, complain of the price, talk about your table as though you are not there or ask to take a picture of your work so they can make their own.

Here is a sample of comments from last weeks show...

'you know, if you would have used swarski crystals and real stone beads on this necklace ($12) I would have bought it...' (so would have I)

'some lady said there was a table full of junk, I figure it must be you...'

'so how do you know what to stick to other things...hell, I got a drawer full of junk I can glue together too...'

'but these are just buttons??????'

(overheard comment by 2 tweens) 'my mom loves this kind of crap'

(whispered to me over the table) 'do you have a card, I am looking for people to be at my history show and this kinda works...' why is this a secret?

'you didn't actually use a REAL POSTAGE STAMP!!!!!!!! I COLLECT STAMPS AND THAT IS JUST WRONG!!!!'...calm down Lady, it was on last years Christmas card.

lady thrusting a necklace back to me...'this isn't a REAL vintage picture is it???, you ruined it you know!!!...jeeze lady take a pill, I scanned it...

and my all time favorite:
'what...the...fuck...is this????'

I think my next show will include a thermos of Baileys.

There were a lot of people who spent a long time looking at my display, trying to figure out what it was and commenting on how creative it was. That makes up for all the dumb crap that people say.

And frankly, what else am I gonna do with the stuff...

so look for me sitting behind my table, with my giant sippy cup filled with Baileys and a smidge of coffee, a goofy grin on my face, watching the clock till I can haul my stuff home to do it all again at another church or school.

Friday, December 2, 2011

I heart you all but...



tis the season of good will towards all man(kind) and I want to be apart of that, I really do...but dang it...

when I get a robo call from the Salvation Army at dinner time I get a bit annoyed...

when I hear stories from Black Friday of people going absolutely bat-crap crazy in wal-mart...WALMART!

when commercials on tv promote all that is horrible and selfish (ebay commercial where the girl insults all her relatives for not giving her gifts she is 'feeling')

when they sneak a mini commercial in an episode of HOUSE...scene: 2 dr. driving down the road, one says something like...' and my car actually senses when I am driving too fast on a curve and automatically slows down'...pan to logo on front of car, yup, its FORD, a sponsor of the show...

I have to take a step back and rethink this holiday season...

am I suppose to feel guilty if I think buying a child anything with an I in the title is stupid.

am I the only one who feels totally manipulated into thinking there is something wrong with me because I don't have fabulous holiday parties, surprise the hubs with a new car (with the obligatory big ass bow)and likewise, is he suppose to dazzle me with diamonds (well...)

I heart all y'all, but people...we got to do better!

Friday, November 25, 2011

what I believe



Since the is the beginning of the holiday seasons, I would like to reflect on what I believe. These beliefs stem from years of observation and are based on my reality alone. That's the nature of belief, they differ from each person and are as individual as our own personalities.

I believe:
the chance of a neighbor stopping by or a fed-ex delivery increases 100 fold if you are waiting for the color to set on your hair, just got into the bath or that 'corectol' has finally kicked in.

I believe:
we, as a collective society have lost our damn minds...watch any black Friday new report and witness the people sleeping in tents to be first in line at the local home improvement store and you too will be wondering who pee'd in our grandparents gene pool.

I believe:
we are raising a generation of carbon based life forms who will not be able to find their ass with both hands in a house of mirrors unless they can google the instructions.

I believe:
spending hours slaving over a hot stove making food from 'scratch' is about as fulfilling as crocheting your own under ware. Sure, you can do it but why?

I believe:
buying the t-shirt at Wal-mart that says "I love America" but was made in Pakistan is Karma's way of saying...'sure you do'.

I believe:
I want to go to dog heaven

I believe:
playing mahjong at 9:30 am doesn't necessarily make you a lazy bag of scum...staying in bed, watching cartoons with a lap top propped up on your beer gut playing mahjong at 9:30 am does.

I believe:
in the rights of free speech...this does not include your child screaming at the top of his lungs in the theater, restaurant, or within 500 feet of me.

I believe:
kids were more well rounded when there were only 3 channels and at some point you HAD to watch the news.

I believe:
I am out of coffee, getting a bit cranky and need a nap.

Happy Holidays: Gentlemen, start your shopping carts!

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Giving Thanks



Today, on this day of reflecting and giving thanks, I thought I would depart from the usual kvetching and moaning and make a list of the things I am truly grateful for.

Spellcheck
wheels on luggage
fabreeze...well any order eliminating device
thera-flu
social media that has brought back to me so many friends, created new ones and gave me an entire new outlet for tasteless jokes
cheap hair dye
gas station cappuccino
BBC America
the Internet
opi nail polish, especially nail envy
the cheap carpet in my office, so I don't have to freak out every time I see the dogs do the butt-scoot boogie on it
Baileys
Terry Pratchett and his entire alternative universe
oldies stations
Orange Milano cookies
those teeny-tiny packs of toothpicks you get at some restaurants
the Amish, for making me feel better about my life
my pets
NPR
deep discount stores like "Tuesday Morning" and "Big-Lots"
McDonalds Ice Coffee
doughnuts
dental floss
not wearing panti hose
my teachers who didn't expect much ~ I lived up to your expectations
E600
garage sales. estate sales, 2nd hand stores and rummage sales
stores that carry big giant bras
the cooking channels
audio.com
microwave popcorn
my big-gass truck and my itty-bitty barbie car
tylenol pm
the hubs's work...well, hell the HUBS too!
digital cameras...(I still have rolls of film in the fridge to use up)
friends, friends of friends and their friends who 'like' me on face book
coffee pots with only one button
living in the boon-docks
my customers, fans and people who generally 'get' what I am trying to do
family...mostly
people who work for the good of others...nurses, police, firefighters, volunteer staff at shelters (people and animal) nursing assistants, vets and their staff, and anyone who can put aside common sense and let their heart rule.

This is just a partial list of all the things I am truly grateful for, and throughout the day I will be thinking of things I should have added...but for now I will wander around looking for another cup of coffee and be really grateful for going to a restaurant on this thanksgiving day!

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Grouchy old lady rant for the day #1



Its been a while since I went off on a rampage about life, the universe and everything. So naturally, spending the morning shopping at my local K-mart my grouchy inclinations swept over me and I dang near laid some truth on the unsuspecting public.

All y'all here are the suspecting public, so there should be no surprises.

General rants associated with personal hygiene:

Ladies, when you get dressed in the morning, and you decide to rock that thong, please take a millisecond to check out your posterior. No one want to see that, not now, not when your were a hot 19 year during prohibition, not ever. Adding the generic Uggs, stained Michigan Sweats, and scrunchy is not helping.

No amount of aftershave is a replacement for deodorant...I don't care if this is your 'good stuff' you got from Avon, its not working...

Hard truth folks, if you smoke...you stink. There I said it! And when you smoke and that interesting smell sits for a while...like oh~say 8 months in your closet then you yank out that winter coat you are going to smell like a shrimp boat Captain's Jockey shorts. Considered yourself told. (fabreeze, Isle 5)

Parenting 101 according to the Queen:

If your kid is having a melt down, no amount of bribing, begging or ignoring your little precious jewel will work. You can wander down the isles looking all around and trying not to make eye contact, but that kid knows you too well and whatever lame-ass promise you made is happening...so happy meal that kid up and get out of the store!

Allowing your children to run free in any store will result in me handing little Jr. some extra strength benydryl...I carry it, its in bright appealing colors and works like a charm.

Taking your children to the toy department is cruel and unusual punishment for the others that have to hear you little bundle of joy loose his damn mind when you want to look at towels.

Christmas rant:

Oh holy crap...its way to dang early, and I know times are hard and you got to allow people to get prepared, but the music, the decorations...before Halloween...
(if only there were some way to actually predict when Christmas is coming...)I am already sick of it...

When shopping with your little special person, and you find the store all Cristmased up, using Santa and presents to threaten the kid is just stupid. I overheard one parent yesterday...(YESTERDAY) say to his 3 year old who was in the middle of a grand mal melt down...'OK, I am just telling Santa to not bring you any presents'
yeah, right, you betcha...does this every work?

And finally:

To store personnel...if I am wandering all around looking lost and forlorn, go ahead and ask if I need help...90% of the time I don't but I always appreciate you noticing me with out me having to resort to lighting my hair on fire.

yeah, its going to be a long holiday season...

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Keeping ahead.



Back when I had a job and was in the public I felt this way about every day. Deadlines, meetings, approval of designs, communications, misunderstandings, failures and outright screw-ups...I was barely (heehehe) keeping ahead of the curve. Add in airports, carrier strikes, power outages, jacked up weather, jacked up bosses and general mayhem ~ it all added to the stress of a corporate living.

People didn't know what they wanted but would 'know it when they saw it'...especially if another company was very successful with the same item. Making something similar without crossing the copyright line was a challenge at best. Trade shows, product development meetings, and a healthy amount of schmoozing that went on only added to the mix.

Gawd, I miss it...

Now, I get up...tend the dogs, dink around and generally try to say busy.

Relevant, not so much~

Leaving the corporate mainstream (not by choice I might add) has gave me some perks though:

It allows me to pursue other forms of revenue generating opportunities (yeahsureyoubetcha)

My laundry day is cut in half

I can't remember the last time I wore real shoes

Shopping has gone from high end malls to local thrift shops

I get to experience the excitement of the social media phenomenon

I can finally stop glowing in the dark from all the excess radiation I was getting at airports

I get to cook...yippee

and clean...yippee Skippie

and enjoy day time judge shows...(go Judge Judy!)

I finally unpacked the last of my luggage and have used up all the teeny-tiny bottles of shampoo stolen from hotels all across the world.

Yeah, I am a home bound crafter with 2 online shops and spend my days gluing stuff to stuff...don't get me wrong, I love what I am doing, but just for old times sake, I would love the make that mad dash through the Atlanta airport diving into the train just as the doors close and feel the rush of the deadline again.

Friday, October 28, 2011

One mans trash...




I love my Goodwill challenges...
and this one turned out pretty good, talking the frosted glass leaves, hearts and other assorted shapes from this cast off candle holder and hanging them on various styles, sizes and shapes of silver chains.

trash into treasures (hopefully)

So while watching 'Project accessory' last night I was more than amused as the challenge was to make a necklace, belt and one other accessory from junk found in a storage unit...piece of cake.

Some were confused, some jumped right in, some melted down, some did the basic, some over shot the mark by a mile. The girl that won the challenge completely transformed the paper umbrella into a lovely necklace that was wearable and interesting.
One guy took the springs from a couch and transformed them into a very funky necklace...one girl just re purposed luggage...yawn.

I would have loved to be on that show...unfortunately, from the looks of the contestants, I am far too old, too middle class, not nearly tattooed up enough or hip enough to fit into the group. So, I will just watch, try not to throw the remote at the TV and take a lot of notes.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

more junk!




So the guy say's to me...'hey, I got a box of my mom's old broken jewelry and I don't know what to do with it, do you want it...?

and I say 'yeah' I'll take it off your hands

holy cats!

To most people this is garage sale cast offs, but to me, its the basis of my shop...and this was the mother load!

And the stuff I made from it...it's pretty dang cool, if I must say so myself.

Old watch faces, cigar bands, buttons and drawer pulls...for me, better than any trip to Michaels.

Monday, October 24, 2011

Afraid of the unknown



This is Lily standing at the top of the basement stairs...she is afraid to come down them. She runs up and down the stair to go upstairs, but can't seem to grasp that this is the exact same process except in reverse.

You can call her, beg her, help her put her foot down, and she just might make an attempt, but generally she will sit at the top of the stairs while we are all down there making heavy sighs and generally being afraid.

Just like me.

I sit in the parking lot of my GP not wanting to go in...getting on that damn scale, knowing the lecture I am about to get...

Avoiding restaurants that are too fancy, foreign, or busy.

Trying a new hair style, fashion statement or makeup technique.

Trying new food to cook (how does one eat an artichoke?)

Sampling new perfume, music, tv shows...

I'm stuck at the top of my stairs too...

So, Lily and I are both going to conquer our fears, I am going to try Ethiopian food, green eye liner, techno music...

and she is getting down them damn stairs!

Thursday, September 8, 2011

My Bear, my self



This is my bear, stolen from my brother when he decided he didn't need it any more. My bear doesn't have a name, never did. My bear has had his eyes and nose loved right off and can't seem to sit up straight any more. My bear is full of holes and his fur is almost all gone.

Beside my bear is a poem I cut from a "woman's Day' magazine when I was 12 years old. They look pretty good together.

My bear has been rescued from the garbage more times than I can count. Whenever a new hole would spring up my mom would try to toss him out...she refused to fix it. So, I basically taught myself how to sew using the biggest needles I could get my hands on (and one time using a curved mattress needle) with thread that never matched. He was counting on me to rescue him.

My bear never cared that I could go years without touching him, yet he always came with me with every move, every apartment, and in every house. My bear has witnessed floods, tornadoes, tragedy and loss and never came up missing. He is the best secret keeper and knows how to keep his mouth shut.

He doesn't mind cat hair, the fact that I never ever make my bed or need me to wash his drawers...he doesn't need batteries, an instruction manual or accessories. He's just a bear.

He sits all slumped in the corner of my room in a rocking chair that was my Grandfathers...both need some major overhauling. He never cares how fat I get, if my roots show or if I am currently employed. He 'gets' me.

And the poem...words I hope I live my life by:

If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
or cool one pain,
or help a fainting robin
unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain.
Emily Dickinson

So here's to all our favorite blankies, woobies, bears and bunnies...may your comforting spirit never leave.

Monday, August 29, 2011

woo~hoo, I'm becoming more relevant



At least according to Etsy, who made me go through and edit all my listings and retag everything to fit into the new Google search...my brain is still swimming over that.

And I just joined Google+(whatever the hell that is) so join my circle, or do whatever it is that is suppose to happen to make me one of the cool kids.

Or join my fan page on Face Book...visit on Zibbit, or find me on Etsy...read my blog, find me on linked in, skype, twitter, Creative break room, multiply, blabalbalalaalalalalala...

When did trying to sell my jewelry become spending the ding-dong day promoting on so many websites that my concept of reality is now completely computer based?

When did we abdicate the responsibility to actively participate in a relationship? Write letters, send cards, flowers, visit???

Does an E-card hold the same feeling as a real live Hallmark, one you actually spent time finding, writing and posting? And if not, why?

Is the next generation really going to be looking at pictures on the Internet and think...'that's my Grandma in her bathroom taking a picture of herself on her phone'?
or find forums posts from long dead relatives listed in Ancestors.com?

*shudder*

Really, I use a rotary phone...I am the last person to want to know what Skype is, much less actually use it. Since when is longing for the good old days actually talking about Mircrsoft Windows 7. Are we really that much better off dealing with hundreds of people on a daily basis without knowing their real name?

All I want to do is sell jewelry, really...
so, google me bay-be.

Monday, August 22, 2011

stuff on top of stuff



This is the result of cleaning out my beading cabinet and piling stuff together with a similar look and feel. Stuff with stuff and more stuff. In this case, pearls and silver, and pearls with silver and silver with pearls.

That's pretty much my approach to everything in my life from cooking to decorating.

Some things work together like pasta and cheese...somethings no so much like peanut butter and cucumbers. When you get a feel for what you are doing, you can wing it.

Sure, taste plays a part, but I have always said that I have never let good taste stand in my way. Tacky is a matter of opinion.

So, my MP3 has Kid Rock songs next to Bessie Smith...Colin Ray with the Indigo Girls, Paul Revere and the Raiders with Toby Keith...

Stop by my house unannounced and you will hear Hawaiian music blasting away, or 'music from the hearts of space'...its whatever makes me happy at the moment.

And if I had a style, I am sure it would be considered eclectic (if you are kind) or unique, possibly funky, but more than not, early American garage sale. If it looks good together in my eyes, it works for me.

So, yeah, I have an antique wheel chair in my bedroom...sleds serve as plant stands and my tv is hidden in an antique radio cabinet.

Normal is just too boring. But then again, I've never been accused of being boring.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

getting something for nothing




These are my glasses...the ones I use every day. The ones from my mom when we were kids. The ones we got free with grape jelly.
I love these glasses, they are heavy and easy to clean and hold just the right amount of milk. And they were free.

I remember free. When you would buy gas and get a free coaster, or open a box of washing detergent and get a towel. Back in the day, going to the movies got you a dish, and I can't forget S & H Green Stamps...the ultimate in free stuff.

Remember when Cracker Jacks had cool free toys like whistles and plastic monkeys...hot comodies on Ebay now.

And the toys in cereal and the challenge to be the first one to open the box.

I love getting stuff for free, useful things or fun things...or even things that you got a million of but could always use more, like bandaids or socks.

Who wouldn't want a free lottery ticket in a Happy Meal?


Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Thinking about Grandma's



These pearls were part of some Grandma's 'good jewelry' only to be sold at some garage sale to me so I could refurbish them. Sometimes that bothers me. When I see a quilt top carefully cut and pieced together, sold for $2 to someone like me who is unaware of the history of the pieces, it makes me kinda sad.

Not sad that I scored some awesome cool vintage pieces, or interesting beads. But sad that someones Grandma saved them for years, only to be hauled out and sold to a stranger.

Even today, while in the midst of the great basement cleanout, I found a book filled with poetry written by the hubs's Grandmother. The book, a moldy copy of "Mildred Pierce', with 'pictures of the upcoming movie!' And in its pages, notebook pages filled with bad poetry.

Grandma wanted to be a poet in the worst way (and she was...bless her). each couplet, verse and stanza is worse than the last. But she kept at it till she passed away. For her, the dream never died...

So, Grandma Benner, wherever you are, here is a poem written by you, published on the Internet:

Under Blue October Sky's
by Cora Basten Benner

Under clear October Sky's
I can see the love in your blue eyes
and the gold in your hair
which is beyond compare
under blue October Sky's.

I am in paradise
I'm content any where
as long as you're there
Under blue October Sky's.

Under blue October Sky's
I begin to realize
Love's grand I declare
our lives we should share
under blue October Sky's.

Well, you can't say I didn't warn you...but what the heck, she gave it the old college try and sent these poems in every week to publishers around the country. She lived in hope.

And the greatest gift to give anyone is hope.

Monday, August 15, 2011

perceptions of self..



Yup, I perceive myself as a biker Grannie...and no we don't have a bike anymore. Well, unless you count the 1967 Triumph basket case in the storage unit...no, we got rid of the Goldwing years ago.

But I still think of myself as this rebel Grannie...even though I don't have kids. So basically I am a fraud. A big old wanna be sitting in front of a computer trying to be something I am not.

(Sorry, but I couldn't find a picture of a middle aged white woman with big boobs and purple hair.
I'll keep looking.)

So do I change my perceptions based on my ability to drive a cycle? Do I assume the mindset of 'wacky aunt', 'hipster wanna-be', 'crafty artist-type person' 'political pariahs'?

Or maybe they all fit.

Maybe I am a wacky aunt with artistic aspirations...or maybe I just gave up looking for work a while ago and can't stand being a house wife. Actually both.

So while I don't a motorcycle, I do have the leathers.
and while I don't have a job, I do have a livelihood.
and while I am a wife and live in a house, I am not a housewife.
There are people who call me Mom, and people who call me Mrs. Benner...I will answer to one.

So perceptions are in the eye of the perceived.
Call me what you like, I probably won't give a good &^%$ *&&^$.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

thoughts on family



Yesterday was my family reunion. While enjoying the wonderful food, including sauer kraut, ambrosia salad and some deserts that were to die for, I was left thinking about the nature of family.

This weird group of people who all sorta kinda look like you. Who all have the same grey eyes and body images. Who all have a joint connection to each other even if we had never met. Who tell stories that you almost had forgotten. Who remember you when your diapers were full. Family.

And only family can understand when you look at your Uncle and see your Dad, and understand when you start to cry.

Who ask about your health not to be nice but to compare notes.

Who will end up telling you what happened to your 1st, 2nd or 3rd marriage with out really asking.

Who will gladly give you recipes (almost).

And who will ask you about things you really never wanted to talk about, but will anyway.

And my family, who came from one state and ended up here and no one really knows why. Who left what sounded like comfort and security to live here with no real support system in place.

Spending time in the past, remembering our family who have passed away. Or remembering (while never ever fully forgetting) my cousin Richard's 11 months of hell on earth on broad the U.S.S. Pueblo. Looking at military pictures of fathers and uncles and wondering if they thought they would make it home?

And now the next generation, this group of relative (so to speak) strangers who carry the Bame gene that requires them to always have a pot of coffee on hand and sit at the kitchen table talking till midnight.

Thanks for being so gracious and showing up, for sharing your stories, for making those promises to be back next year if not sooner and for signing the book....now when I need a kidney I know where to look!

Friday, August 5, 2011

Angel tears



"When you get into a tight place, and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hold on a moment longer, never give up, then- for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn." ~Harriet Beecher Stowe


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sometimes we all need to take a minute, reflect on the things we can do something about, and look for strength for the things out of our control.

Finding strength in Friends and family can help, looking within, becoming creative, writing bad poetry or cheesy haiku's...or like me, making more jewelry. It helps keep our minds busy and away from the negativity that can engulf us at a moments notice.

Laugh...remember what use to make you laugh and seek that out. 3 stooges. the Marx brothers, Monty Python??? Wallow in it, laugh that 'kids' laugh that takes your breath away and makes milk squirt out of your nose. Laugh till it hurts!

Have faith and know people are here for you, no matter what...from siblings, to cyber friends you don't even know their real names...cyber hugs are almost as good a real ones and are just as powerful.

Accept help...sometimes that's the only way another person can connect with you. Its their way of being with you in difficult times.

And always remember people are here, and if all else fails, the angels will stand by your side, weeping with you, laughing with you and dancing for your success.

Stay strong

Friday, July 29, 2011

goin' to hell



Yup, according to one of my neighbors I am going to hell for using things like this Madonna picture or any old religious medals, rosaries, icons...anything that has been 'blessed'.

'I got it at the goodwill, how do I know its been blessed?'
'You have to assume its been blessed.'
'I do???'
'Yes, this is serious, you can't use them!'
'I can...'
'no, its wrong'
'it isn't...'

*hours later*

'look, it was at the goodwill in a baggie of broken jewelry...if its blessed, its still blessed and on to a new life as something else...'
'no that wrong, you are using blessing's to make money!'
(well, not the way I do it)

At some point you have to agree to disagree, and while I offered to sell her all the religious items at a cut rate deal so she could keep them in a sanctified manner and away from the heathen paws of us pagans, she refused and stormed off.

So, if I am offending anyone by using these medals, religious icons and images for my found object jewelry, I'm sorry...I never mean to offend (profit, yes, offend, no). And if I am going to hell over this I got a lot of questions when I get there.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Not paying attention...



I was typing away on a new blog post, something random like going to the goodwill and finding this giant bag of beads and making this necklace and trying to squeeze something philosophical about making something out of nothing, giving the broken unregarded and ugly a new start, renewing the spirit, you know typical Queen G. crap...

About halfway through I look up and see the entire page is writing in Arabic.

I thought I was having a stroke.

I honestly thought there was something seriously wrong with me, and was desperately trying to think of the 'are you having a stroke' questions:

what day is it...urg..
who is the president...Oh hell no!
what state do you live in...denial???

The possibility that the drop down menu was enabled to Arabic never crossed my mind.
Yeah, I would rather think I was having a stroke than assume I am a computer dork.

That pretty much sums up my life...and most people think I am self centered, conceited, or just self absorbed. The plain unvarnished facts are that I just don't pay attention.

Show up with a cast and sling..I might think something is 'different', change your hair color, try a new haircut, get a Samoan face tattoo...nope, it wont register with me.

Till like 3 days later.

Then I never know if I should call and say, oh hey, that tattoo...yeah, I didn't notice it at first, but its nice...does it come in any other colors???

So I don't mention it.

So for all the times people have made major changes in their appearance, the face book status, addresses, religious affiliations, whatever...
feel free to point it out to me cuz I aint paying attenti...


SQUIRREL!!!!!!!!

Monday, July 25, 2011

brrrrr....


This is a new listing in my new Zibbet shop and I love the background picture. It is from a fairy tale called The Russian Princess and was done in 1913. It was an illustration for a kids book by Charles Robinson and to my eyes is beautiful.

Looking at it helps in these hot days of summer, knowing winter is on the way...with its cold and ice. I am trying so hard not to complain about the heat.

I am trying real, real hard not to whine about:

the heat rash under my boobs
the fact that I don't have 'summer clothes'
remembering to turn the thermostat up when I want to turn it down
having to cook, do laundry or houseclean in this heat
having 'vegan leather' (vinyl) furniture
making sure my dogs are hydrated and cool
watering the plants out on the porch...ooops, tossing the plants away on the porch

yeah, its been a real interesting summer with heat in the hundreds for days on end.

then I remember my friends kids who are in Afghanistan.
and I shut myself up.

So, stay safe, all you military people, stay cool all my friends and remember winter is coming.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

show me the way to go home...



I'm tired and I wanna go to bed....

nope, not drunk...but I am starting to wonder where I actually live...
I thought it was Michigan
turns out it's east of 'too freakin' hot to go outside'.

which is also:

'booger freeze' place.
'no work for you' center
and
'take it up the tail pipe in gas priceville'.

I have many fond nicknames for this place, none of which are suitable for this blog...suffice to say I use to love it here. Back when there were jobs, and stores, and people, back when you could drive down the road without the pot holes rattling your innerds into your outterds. Back when people waved as you drove by, and with all the fingers, not just one.

Memories...

And good luck all you Michiganders-Michiganians-Michiganites...whatever...your kids are going to be left with empty factories littering the countryside, scores of empty houses with overgrown lawns, and empty storefronts that use to sell the things we drive to walmart for.

Sad...its going to take more than Tim Allen's voice over to save us here.

Pure Michigan

Monday, July 18, 2011

Hey Everybully!



Lily here wit a kwik reminder that it is hot outside and us bullies don't go gud in the heat. We lost a fellow bully yesterday cuz somone didn't know dat and it was so sad...so
no rides in da car
so long walks
and no being chained to the house outside...if anybully sees dis call the authorities and save a life!

people pleze make sure we got lots of watter, ice is nice too...and know de signs of heat stroke.

don't kno em??? here is a link...

http://www.dogtopics.com/109/dog-heatstroke-symptoms-treatment-and-prevention/

lets be careful out der.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Cause and effect



You know the bit about a butterfly's wings flapping causing changes in weather...or however that's suppose to go...how one tiny insignificant incident can have great consequences.

That is the essence of real life.

How going to a garage sale 4 years ago crated the need to make jewelry out of found objects. Or sending a note to a boy I liked 33 years ago created a life consisting of dogs, cats, and a log home in the boondocks.

And you never know when that butterfly's wing is gonna flap...if I had taken that scholarship to Northern Michigan...or that promotion to Parma, Ohio...(!?!) If I had not moved to the great black swamp, had a few kids or even took that offer to live in China. How would things be different?

Would I still be the same snarky person with nothing to do all day but glue stuff on to other stuff...

Would my kids even be speaking to me...

Would I even still be married...

If I had become a nurse like my mother wanted...would I be happy, healthy, still employed? If I had followed my dream and became an art therapist, would it have been a better life?

Did I really want to marry Barnabas Collins...(that would never had worked out...on soooooooo many levels)

What if I had participated more in school...been on some sports teams, had different friends, took math instead of independent reading (twice!) learned a language, a musical instrument, stood up to bullies...

What if I were cool...

It boggles the mind...what if.

But things are pretty fine here, sure I wish I had more carbon based life forms to interact with, but the Internet is still here and everyone is a key stroke away. Yeah, I wish my body would quit deciding to fall apart at inopportune moments...(symptom dujour...cramps in the thumbs) but it is what it is. Would I change anything???

hmmmm....

naw

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Blaming my bumps



I have decided all my problems stem from not having my lumps in the right place.

My decisiveness or lack there of is because of that little lump behind my ear, or on top of my head, or whatever...and therefore I am not to blame.

Bashing my head does not rectify the situation. I have cracked my head on my way down the stairs a few times and my perception of reality does not change.

So any of my social ills, my proclivity to use words like proclivity, and my stingy attitude about spending cash is all associated with my lumpy-bumpy dome. Or maybe my smooth cranium...whatever...

its not my fault and you can't blame me.
or my parents.
or my childhood, education, mental state, or economic situation...

nope, its my bumps.

Keep all your psycho-babble, your new age homeopathic cure all's, your medicine, your therapy and your spiritual healing...its all for nothing if your lumps don't line up...

And if your lumps don't line up, sorry about your luck...that future of wealth and prosperity is all for naught...the lumps don't lie.

So, while it sucks having lumps that indicate I am a bitter, whiny old bat with delusions of grandeur...you can't hold me at fault.

It ain't my fault!

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Starring in my own show



A one woman show that consists of monologues about life by a grouchy old lady who glues crap together for a living.

A show bringing the exciting world of the housewife into clear focus.

Here is just a list of some of the scintillating topics we will be covering:

Laundry day fridge clean out recipes...including the famous toasted hot dog buns with mozzarella and tony packo pickles.

Letting the cat out, and in, and out, and in...

The concept of handmade gifts and how they relate to your dog.

Facebook games vs crack...who's the real looser.

When its necessary to wear a bra.

Walmart protocol and the use of proper hand signals.

Grocery shopping 101: do you know what you want to eat next week...well, neither do I.

Judge shows...excellent use of time or just ogling Judge Alex.

How to tell if you are dinking around or doing some internal soul searching.

Hobbies...more reasons to save butter dishes, go to craft stores and alienate your family.

Group discussions of how to properly fill out forms...spouse vs home maker vs stay at home mom.

These and many more topics will be covered in the coming weeks...as soon as I finish laundry, get the chicken defrosted, vacuum, dust and glue this crap to this other crap.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Dear Dogs and Cats...



Found while cleaning drawers...

Dear Dogs and Cats,
When I say move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.

The dishes with the cute paw prints contain your food, any others are mine. You can not stake your claim on my food by placing a paw print on my plate.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR. Beating me to the bottom is not the object and tripping me won't help as I can fall faster than you can run.

I can not buy anything bigger than a king sized bed...sorry. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretching out to the fullest extent. Stretching out legs, tails and tongues to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom. If, by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. I have been using the bathroom for years and your attendance is not mandatory.

Thanks in advance for your complete avoidance of these issues...

The person who feeds you.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Brain sucking for fun and profit



I love this new pin made from a very broken, very antique, very cool old pair of clip on sunglasses. I have to say right now I am conflicted about posting it as I saw the idea from another Etsy seller and totally feel like a big giant brain sucker. I even posted a picture and a link to the other sellers site to get opinions about the dreaded 'copying my stuff' nightmare currently drifting around Etsy's forums. Everyone agreed there was no problem and that we all get ideas from one another.

Still...

But hey, if anyone looks at my site and gets some great ideas to regenerate grandma's crappy old jewelry, I say go for it! And if you can make a profit, give me a call cuz that's it all falls apart for me.

And I guess it is true, we all get ideas from one another. There really isn't anything new out there. I remember making jewelry from eyeglass lenses back in the groovy 70's, just the glass with usually floral fabric decoupaged on...I run across one every now and then...apparently it was big in the senior centers, and they were signed with gold paint pens on the back. (and they got a bunch of old eyeglasses laying around for sure!)

So feel free to suck what little is left of my brain, use anything you find on my site to get creative, feel free to steal my designs because we all have a creative soul, it just needs a jump start every once in a while.

Saturday, July 2, 2011

feeling sorry for myself



For the last few days I have been wallowing in the pity pool, wondering why me...
and the answer comes back...why not you?

I don't know why people have issues with life and finances, and family, and medical issues, and governments and situations that you basically have no control over. I do know we are all entitled to whine and bitch and moan for a bit and then get back to the job at hand.

So, sorry for being a major pain in the posterior, for dropping out and wandering around bumping into walls. For thinking the entire world should revolve around me and the rest of you all can suck it...

We can all find others in worse situations right now...any one want to be a jurors on the Casey Anthony trial? Be married to Congressmen Weiner? Work for the Detroit school system?

Yeah, its time buy the big-girl pull ups and get over myself.

Friday, July 1, 2011

before and after




So this is a beat up candle holder I found at the Goodwill. Amber glass beads on a metal base. Yeah, it was pretty jacked up and on its last legs.

I made it into this necklace, adding a rather large Agate pendant I also found among my scrounging.

Making stuff from stuff...
2nd chance
going green
too cheap to buy real supplies
whatever, this is how I do it

I also wish I could just go to Hobby Lobby and buy strings of beads and pendants. My life would be mush less messy right now. I got boxes piled up in corners waiting for the exact project to come to mind.

I got butter dishes, take out containers, cigar boxes and Tupperware filled with vintage and antique beads. Vintage chains hand from every possible location, and tiny little jars filled to the rim with buttons fill my closet.

Sometimes I have to wait years for the right project to come along. This makes going to garage sales, flea markets, and resale shops a time consuming pastime...yeah, I do want that antique, jacked up deck of playing cards...why...I have no idea...yet.

That baggie of antique glass bottle stoppers...mine.
grocery bag filled with sheet music...mine too
It all has some charm, and someday another chance to be 'something'.

Friday, June 24, 2011

holidays...who knew??


So, today is take your dog to work day. Hmmm, every day is take your dog to work day for me, it would be a holiday for me not to have them farting and snoring for a day. But, lets celebrate with a new chew toy and some milk bones.

It also must be:

Creative Parking Day. Please enjoy this holiday by parking in odd angles blocking me in and making it impossible for me to put my groceries in my car.

Call and say nothing day. Extra points if you are not a computer.

Block the isle day. This is a regional holiday, celebrated only where ever I am shopping.

Amish Goodwill day.

Take the kids to stores they hate to go day. This holiday is only celebrated by people with children who have skipped their naps. Yes, please bring your twins to the expensive department store, they'll love it! And like Christmas eve and Christmas, this holiday has 2 parts. After the meltdown in the 'big people's store' please take them to any toy store 'just to look'.

Its also national 'guess the gas price day'...I love this holiday, as I use E85 and the prices are never posted till you get to the pump.

And last but not least, its McDonald's overflow day! Woo-hoo...this holiday brings out all the folks who go to Ron's Steakhouse and buy a cup of coffee and sit for the mornings. Thanks for standing around being pissy cuz you gotta wait for your third refill...

Happy Holidays to all y'all!

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

back from vaca


Just got back from a fun filled mini vacation to Gatlenburg, Tn. Interesting, tiring, awesome and exhausting. Here is some of what I learned on this trip:

No matter how much money you spend on activities, you kid will whine and say 'I never get to do nuttin'...this was exhibited on every street corner in town.

You can never have too many fudge, t-shirt, or henna tattoo shops.

Anything that should be spelled with a C but is spelled with a K will involve bacon grease, deep frier's, sweet tea and grits...extra points for wood carved black bears (pronounced BHarrrrrs)

While you CAN wear your PJ bottoms around town you probably shouldn't'.

No one can pull off the muscle shirt and baggy-butt pants look.

There is no one so lonely as the "Mysterious Mansion" guy at 9:00am

If they say 'intermittent thunderstorms' for the area, they actually mean torrential rain that will wipe out roads, bridges and cause rock slides...always have a plan B.

Just cuz they call you ma'am don't mean they are polite.

Taking a camera does not mean you will take pictures...leaving your camera home will insure sighting a black bear, famous country star or someone being 'pantsed' in the center of town.

While it may be 'country' down there, many of the shop owners are not admitting to which country

The Grandma who is the cashier at the local sex toy shop may actually be a Grandpa. (Yes, these seem to be replacing the time share guys)

Everything is uphill

Parking is non existent

Cute shoes kill

You can BBQ, deep fry or ride anything.

Vacations are for family fun, relaxing, sight seeing and general dinking around. We have turned them into marathon shopping sprees with the excuse to eat ice cream at 10:00 am.

I love it!

Thursday, June 16, 2011

fathers day



This is a picture of my Grandfather taken a long time ago...when, I have no idea. He was always a bit of a mystery to me, and I don't know that much about him. I do know he scared the be-jebus out of me when I was a kid, with his long Amish beard and Vicks Vapo-rub smell.

He was also the father to 13 children, who's wife died when they were all pretty small. He never remarried, so it must have been quite a hardship for the older ones who had to run the household.

The family moved a lot, being farmers with no land...my Dad would drive around the county and point to a field or a lone standing water pump and say...I use to live there.

We would go visit him after he fell and broke his hip...it seemed to always be summer and the Tiger game was always on. The kids would be sent to play so my dad could visit...I got the distinct impression kids were not welcome. Warm and fuzzy he was not.

I never knew him as a person. I never knew why he would drag his family away from a large and profitable farming family in Ohio to come to Michigan to eek out a living. I never felt like he actually liked anyone...I never saw him smile.

I am sure he was a product of his generation. A hard working man who didn't have time for tenderness with too much responsibility and too little support. I am sure he thought he did his best.

My Dad never spoke about his childhood. There were some stories, some antidotes, a few rumors and a lot of tall tales between the brothers...(was it really true about the cop in Ridgway???) but nothing about my Grandparents.

I think that speaks volumes.

So, Happy Fathers Day to all my family and friends, I hope you have some fond memories of your dad and I hope you pass them on to your kids so they can share them.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Industrial Chic



I have learned so many new terms since starting to sell my creations on line. I thought I was just using existing things to make other things, but apparently I am 'going green'. Now, mostly when things go green that's a bad thing, but not in this application, I guess. If your fingernail should go green, that's not good, if your potatoes go green, that's bad, but in terms of jewelry, its a mighty fine idea.

I am also a Steampunk artist...who knew! Steamppunk, for those of us who have no idea is...well its sorta like...its when...OK, imagine Jules Vern had a rebellious 14 year old with an attitude problem. Yeah, I don't get it either, but I like it a lot!

I upcycle, which is not to say I don't recycle.

I do shabby chic, industrial chic, Gothic chic, Lolita, emo and other forms of chic...with the possible exception of chic. I have never been able to define that word but know it doesn't involve clock parts and hardware.

I repurpose, redesign, reuse, and refurbish.

I rescue the odd and broken and reuse the old and unloved. I scrounge, dig, delve, and discover things that other people pass by.

And in doing so I have met some cupcakes, enjoyed some trainwrecks, made a ton of mistakes as a nubie by calling out and breaking the tous...I have been muted and warned, been in some treasuries but never on the FP...and all in all, its been a lot of fun.

Profitable, not so much.

Monday, June 13, 2011

race week...sigh



I live very close to Michigan International Speedway and, god bless em' they do wonders for the local economy once a year. This weekend is a huge race, don't ask me which one, all I know is its a biggie.

Living near major sporting venues is not a load of laughs and I am glad this particular form of insanity is only a few times a year. I usually hide in the basement and hope I don't run out of any major necessity for the next 5 days.

You can usually tell when race week is heating up, first comes the giant campers 5th. wheels, RVs, and car haulers, all hauling ass down a 2 lane state highway. Next comes the campers, scalpers, food wagons, and flea market vender's. They park wherever they can making impromptu sales venues out of parking lots, turn offs and front lawns.

By Thursday, the 'professionals' are all here, and then the 2nd wave of commerce starts. The garage sales, bake sales, and camp fire wood sellers all make their claims. The locals who have finally sold everything not nailed down and can't bake, will offer their front lawn for parking and camping...even the local Churches get in on the act, and who can blame them...this is serious cash being tossed around.

Finally, my favorites show up...the 'got ticket' guys standing next to the 'I need tickets' guy. And because Michigan has a deposit law on canned soda, kids will erect plywood targets for people to toss their empty's...at ten cents a pop, that adds up.

There are about 10 miles of orange barrels and what seems like an entire battalion of state troopers directing traffic...god help the locals if you need to make a turn.

And finally, starting late Thursday night and continues till the race is over...the conga line of campers, bikers, and spectators. All spending hard earned cash on food, beer and toilet paper.

Last estimate, over a billion dollars of commerce in 3 days.

So, thank you all for coming to my part of the world, and thank you for generally being under control, disciplined and basically decent...no, I will not show you my tits so you can put down the sign, and please remember to wear your sun screen...

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Happy dance



Contrary to what my family may say, there are things that make me happy. And, having just spent a fun filled hour at Walmart trying to get the obviously challenged 'martian' to cut fabric for me without the commentary about people 'bothering him when he is thinking', its time for me to reflect on those happy thoughts.

Chocolate in any manner makes me happy...carob is not chocolate.
Coffee in any form makes me happy(with the possible exception of the coffee flavored corn flakes I saw yesterday).
Coffee and chocolate together, even the fakey kind like jamocha shakes, make me extremely happy.
Sales: clearance, estate, going out of business, garage and rummage...they all take me to the happy place.
Friend requests...I have no idea why but they make my day.
Antiques...especially weird ones.
60's music
doughnuts
nail polish
art supplies
Hammer Horror movies (I really miss the late night monster movies)
40's music...thank you satellite radio!
Bessie Smith, Empresses of the Blues
C.O.P.S.
Snarky comments and really funny posts, emails and messages. (just be prepared to get as well as give)
Eyeliner
Sherlock Holmes
Audio books

ahhhh, I feel better now...its almost like I never went to walmart at all.

Friday, June 10, 2011

its a dogs life



I imagine it is hard to sleep 20 hours a day, you both work quite hard at your profession.
You both hold down that couch pretty good, that's impressive.
And both of you are amazing bark machines...but I really don't need you to bark at thunder,
or cars driving past,
or each other,
or mirrors,
or the cats,
or the ringing phone,
or at the ice machine,
or at police dogs on C.O.P.S.
or at me when I am getting out of the shower
or mail ladies, UPS people or the bug guy...

You have my permission to bark when the neighbors house is being broken into,
deer eating my hosta,
strange sounds in the middle of the night...

And go find out what the sound is...don't come barking onto the bed and run in circles...that really doesn't help.

Your job, if you choose to accept it, is to give me one minute to find my glasses and load the gun...after that, you are both on your own.

Oh, and the dog food will be eaten one way or the other...yes, I imagine it would save a lot of steps to just toss the bag in the front yard and eliminate all the steps in between, but humor me and eat what I put in your bowl...its the same in all 3 bowls, so why you feel the need to check out each others is beyond me.

And on those rare occasions when someone actually can find the house and knock on the door...just let me handle it, I'm pretty sure it's not for you.

No you can't have any chocolate, its bad for you and I ain't sharing anyway, get over it...you don't see me drooling over your pig ears do you???

So, just keep dong what you do, snore to your hearts content and try real hard to let me be alpha dog once in a while, after all, I'm the one with thumbs and know where the treats are.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

stars in our eyes



I have been spending way too much time watching the Casey Anthony trial and am trying to decide how pure any ones motives are.
The attorneys will all be famous...ala Marsha Clark.
The Judge will be lauded for his no nonsense style and down home ways.
The jurors will no doubt write a book, do the morning show rounds and become local celebrities...
as will the parents,
and the brother,
and the detectives,
and the other assorted players,
and there will be a movie (if only on lifetime)
and, as in the Natelie Hollowell case, a tv show for the grieving parents.

I have been told of people gathering daily to watch the trial as a group.
People magazine is getting their moneys worth out of that little girls face.
Jane Valez Mitchell and Nancy Grace are giving a play by play for those with jobs.
And even Dr. Drew seems to be dedicating his show to this.

Ultimately a family is being destroyed right before our very eyes, and finding her guilty or innocent will not bring that baby back.

Do I think she did it???...yeah.
Am I caught up in the drama of the proceedings?...yeah.

Hopefully everyone will focus on what is important, justice for a little girl who's only crime was to be born to the wrong mother...and turning the people involved into stars have nothing to do with it.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Once in a Blue Moon



Once in blue moon I actually do something artsy-fartsy and am astonished how much satisfaction it brings.

Thousands of years ago, I was on track to be an art therapist...but finances and reality stopped that, so I became that lady at church who could design program covers.

Now my art is mostly on my walls. Every year I try to make Christmas cards, and on occasion I am actually hired to design something...but those projects have been devoured by graphic design software. Time marches on, and over dinosaurs like me.

So now I draw when the spirit moves me. I draw what I like..usually nothing especially artistic with any commentary...just stuff. Today, I designed a simple necklace with a set of eyes, drawn on a tiny slip of paper and mounted in a makeup tin. Funky, and kinda interesting, if I say so myself. I might post it tomorrow, I might keep it myself, who knows.

And I may even break out the pencils and start to draw full time again. That's the beauty of being marginally talented, not enough to matter, too much to ignore. Sorry if that sounds snarky, but its the way I feel. I wish I had the patience to work with the graphic software...I even took a class...spent the 2nd class making a heart, took me an hour. My brain was imploding with the thoughts of ...'or, I can get a pencil and paper and whip it out in like...10 seconds'.

So, once in a blue moon I will actually post drawings here or on my facebook page, not because they are especially artistic, but because its so satisfying.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

the blues



Black and blue as in this necklace. (Yeah, that was a bit of a stretch!)

I am amazed at what will cause me to be sad, to think my life sucks and how terrible things are...
Out of work middle aged white lady, with medical issues and no technical skills to make myself marketable...this I can live with, run out of coffee and I will toss myself on the ground like a 2 year old and pitch a giant King Kahama-maha fit.

Sports delay of a TV show will cause me to implode, and gawd help the walls if the batteries run out of the remote.

Sitting in a house with no AC...normally, no biggie...today, huge biggie.

And computer viruses...I hope there is a special place in hell for those rat-bastard geeks who feel the need to sit in there grandmas basement and create havoc for no apparent reason.

Run out of milk...meh...run out of eggs, whatever...run out of bubble bath, somebody better run for cover!

And if I get in my car and it has less than 1/4 tank of gas, somebody had better sit me down like a 2 year old and explain to me in terms even the dog can understand, how you can drive by 98 gas stations and not stop to fill up.

yeah, that one really get me...

all of these 'get' me...I can feel the blood pressure rise just writing this...and the dogs are already hiding under the couch...its gonna be a long night!

Monday, June 6, 2011

the bull starts here



Once in a while I find objects that are so interesting and beautiful I can see the finished product and know it will be wonderful...once in a great, great while.

Usually it involves finding something and deciding if it is usable, can it be fixed, and is it stable enough to work with. Sometimes things are hiding in other things. This 'Bull Durham" tobacco tag was in a blue mason jar stuffed with bits and bobs of someones junk drawer. Does it work as a pin???...I'd wear it, but I've been know to sport a gold smoking jacket and orange high tops, so I may not be the best judge.

And once the item is made, then the 'listing' process starts. If one is to listen to the 12 year old hipsters at Etsy, I am suppose to write some deep philosophical description about how this piece is a depiction of the destruction of mankind in a post apocalyptic world...

Yeah, its a paper tag on a poker chip.

At best, its a paper antique marketing tool on an antique gaming piece with design elements gleaned from the post modernest era.

My entire shop is:
recycled, up cycled, green, steam punk, industrial chic, retro funk and found objects reborn.

Or maybe just stuff piled on other stuff in interesting and pleasing ways.

Whatever it is, it keeps me occupied and off the streets.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

tea for one



I do a lot of things by myself, shop, go to movies, go out to eat...alone. I never thought much about that till my mother in law told me she could never (add an involuntary shudder here) go to eat alone, ever.

Me, meh...maybe it comes from traveling so much for business. There is no one more lonely than a person in a strange country all alone. So if I didn't force myself to go, I would have been sitting in hotel rooms watching 30 year old britcoms and eating very bad room service.

And now there are certain things I have to do by myself...I will gladly go shopping with you, but if I need something...leave me alone. Movies, I would much rather go by myself so I don't have to drag anyone to a very bad but highly hyped comedy...(anyone remember the last movie Kelsey Gramer made...stunk on ice!) Plus I don't have to share my over salted popcorn or explain why Harry is suppose to be a great wizard but can't seem to fix his eyesight.

I don't love being alone, especially out here in the boondocks in the middle of winter...but I deal...I have to.

So maybe that's why people keep telling me I spend too much time on the Internet...it makes me feel less alone. I know that someone is out there typing away, posting their own random thoughts and hoping to feel more a part of something.

We can all be together in our aloneness.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Tag, your IT...



I never wanted to be IT...I didn't even know what IT was, but I knew I didn't want to be IT.
I also knew it involved a lot of running, and when I was a kid I wasn't much of a runner, and now with these big-giant-boobs, running is out of the question. So I still don't want to be IT.

I don't have IT.
I never had IT.
Probably can't afford IT.
May have had some of IT but lost most of IT.
Went looking for IT but never found IT.
I know a lot of people who like IT.
Even thought about buying IT but knew I couldn't keep IT.

So, I just go about my business wishing I knew what IT was and if I still need IT.
I guess I have learned to live without IT, so I must not need IT.

So I guess that means








Tag, you're IT!

Monday, May 30, 2011

memorial day



This is my Grandfather, A.J.Turner...no real official name, so the Navy christened him Andrew Jackson. He served aboard the re-built U.S.S Maine in WWI in 1918.

He was just another in the long line of family who served in the military for this country, starting with his great-great+ grandfather who served as a teamster in the war of 1812 and continues on to this day.

My family has proudly served in the military, here at home, with both my mother and mother in law working in factories during WWII. We have dealt with the horror of family and friends being captured and M.I.A, we have lost relatives in the Civil War and are dealing the the after effects of Agent Orange.

My father lost his hearing during WWII yet never spoke of his time there.

So I stand in awe of all those brave soldiers who stand in the gap...
To my friend Eva, who's son just deployed to Afghanistan a few days ago, I stand with her in pride and courage.

And to all the other mothers of soldiers out there, be brave.

We salute you, one and all.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Fly away home



Home...that place where you can scratch wherever itches
where you eat ice cream out of the container
Where you know how bad the bath tub needs to be scrubbed but take a bath anyway
The place where you keep your L.P's (google it, kiddies)

Home is where you sit unashamedly in your housecoat even thought it is well past time for Oprah.
The place you can puke in comfort
The place you eat over the sink and drink from containers

Home, the place to hide from the neighbors candy bar selling kids
where miss-matched socks with plaids and stripes do not matter
where you make all your baking mistakes.

Where headaches and constipation come to find comfort
where you secretly listen to Herman's Hermits CDs while dancing around the kitchen
and where cheap hair dye meets vintage towels

Home is the place you can go to find that thing you lost while looking for that other thing you need

where butter tubs become dishes
and where you hide that last good deal you know you didn't need and can't afford
Home is where your dogs live and cats visit

Home is where hangovers come to die
bad haircuts are resolved and new eyeliner techniques are practiced,
where your best friend lives even if he is covered in fur or lives in a cage.

Home is more than a building or an address, its a place to be you.

Friday, May 27, 2011

Etsy math



So, while I am sitting here trying to promote (shill) my lovely pieces of jewelry on the unsuspecting public I am doing some minor calculations in my head.

I average 3 new pieces a day...
removing the custom orders (.000262251% of total amount)
removing the ooopsies, refilling my stock of freebees and gifts,
taking time off for garage sales, flea market runs and general dinking around...I can safely say I can post 30 pieces a month, easily.
My shop has 171 items
Emerald Dragonfly has over 100 items
Antique mall as about 75 pieces
over 100 are just lost in between...

My views including twitter bots equal about 7 a day per items on average...(yeah, that sucks) Intense promoting raises the average to about 20.

Renewing, editing and rephotographing about 15 per month.

Average sales last month equal 1. One...uno...ein...

Suffice to say, I am drowning in the stuff!

And while I am typing this I am looking at the Opalite bracelet I just made and thinking to myself...

What the hell am I doing?????