Wednesday, November 17, 2010

let the insanity begin


One of my favorite (unsold) designs. I like it for all the wrong reasons, its bright red, stylized and not traditional at all. Not to say there is anything wrong with tradition, it helps place us in the universe, but this season brings out the wacky in everyone.

Even as I type the race is on to find the 'right' turkey, locate the serving dishes and make sure you invite everyone. Then its the mad dash to put up the tree, start the shopping, decorate the cookies, mail the cards, etc, etc, etc...

I opted out of this years ago...

This year David has to work on Thanksgiving, so I made reservations for a nice evening meal at a beautiful Inn. No crazy getting up at 5am to stuff the turkey, no dishes and no pressure to eat till you explode. Of course, if my mom were around she would also point out: no leftovers! That is the give and take of a stress free life.

Christmas, we will probably not even buy presents, after 31 years together, you got all the cheap perfume, moisturizer and body lotion a person can use. And after the year he bought me a Chain Saw, I decided gift giving was not his forte.

Nope, I'm not buying into the 'black Friday' sales, the must have gifts (I know he thought that snuggie was a freakin' awesome idea) will be left for some body's elses garage sale and no lebukucken will be made.

Its not that I am anti-Christmas...quite the contrary. I just think the mad dash to fulfill some misguided vision of a perfect holiday causes more harm than good.

My idea of a perfect holiday season...home made presents and cards, visiting freinds and family, evenings of laughter and rememberance.

So, if you enjoy the crazy, head out for the black friday sales with your cupons and left over turkey sandwiches...me, I'm sipping my decaf and watching the world go by.

Friday, November 5, 2010

how to run a house


Back in the day my mom would call me (50 miles away) to come over and take her to the store to get an onion. She wasn't necessarily making anything but she knew she was out of onions and they world will come to a screeching halt with out them. Certain things were always on hand and no questions should be asked. Besides the milk, eggs and bread, we also always had on hand:
raisins
cream of mushroom soup
bullion
oranges
scented candles
running out of any of these things constituted an national emergency and would result in a flurry of calls to rectify the situation. My Dad would go to the grocery store every night...every single night (well, yeah, he was flirting with the cashiers, but also to get his self imposed list...preparation H and a national enquirer)
Myself...I hate grocery shopping so it will take a 911 emergency to pry me out of the house,
you know, like running out of coffee
or moisturizer
or chocolate
So today I was planning dinner and realized I have no tomato sauce, onions, white bread, eggs or un-lumpy milk. Somewhere out there my mother is nudging the other moms up (or down) there and saying 'I tried to teach her but noooo, she thinks she can get away with dried onions and pita'.
So, apparently a grocery trip is in my future...where I will intend to buy all the grown up things like milk and bread, but will no doubt wind up with Ben and Jerry's Brownie Batter ice cream and some cover girl outlast lipstick.
Wendy's is on the way home.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

exactly


yup...some days you get up and grab your big girl panties and deal with it...whatever 'it' is...and some days you grab your panties and the elastic snaps and pops you right in the eye.

And some days you get up and all your big girl panties are in the laundry and your house is never visited by the laundry fairies...so you grab your emergency, 'hope no one sees these' panties and find out not only did you toss them last time you wore them but you have no back ups...

Those are the days you stay in bed...it aint gonna get better, you need a do-over, just go back, pull the covers over your head and try it again tomorrow.

Don't worry about real life, I'll write you a note...cuz you know the days that start out in the dumpster got no where to go, and I for one do not want to be:
in front of you on the freeway
in front of you at Starbucks
behind you at Wal-mart
anywhere near you at the post office...

nope.

Just remember your bad day is not my problem, my bad day is probably not yours...lets not share.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Keys to the past


Today I am going to try to write about something that happened to me this summer. It really creeped me out and kept me from sleeping for a day or two.

I love estate sales. That being said, a lot of people are kinda weirded out about going through someones house and digging through their stuff. I get it, but generally I walk away with something they have 'loved' for years and now I am going to find a new use for it or 'love' it right back. So when I saw a giant sign out side of the creepiest antique shop in the world, I was in heaven.

When I say creepy, I mean funky, dirty, unorganized and a bit dangerous. The more I think I may fall through a floor the happier I am. This place was all that and then some.

The Lady that ran the shop was (is...she is still there!) about 90 with jet black hair and drawn in eyebrows...and always wears a giant flower in her hair. She is cool! (a bit crazy, but I like em' that way!) When her shop was open she always played 40's music and hobbled around reminding you that the prices were all negotiable. I would stay for hours!

Last summer she decided to 'pack it in' and give up the shop and opened the remaining buildings for her Estate Sale. oooOOOOHHHHHH buddy, let me at it!

Holy crap! What I found...I wandered from room to room in this old 3 story building that use to be 'downtown' but the town has long since been gone. Every room was filthy, covered in dust, crud and about 100 years of grime. After my initial walk through I then got down to the business of searching for goodies. It didn't take long before I realized this woman actually still lived there. I had to let the shock of that sink in, cuz this place was like a time capsule from the turn of the century.

Walking into the kitchen I was amazed at the condition...all the old appliances were still there and the walls were painted a sickly pink. The floors were covered in layers and layers of linoleum. The ceilings were all 12 feet tall with the hanging lamps. And the windows were still sporting the ancient velvet curtains. Matching velvet curtains were in all the doors. Charming, no...filthy, yes. Each room was exactly the way it would have been in 1915. No effort had been made to upgrade, remodel or even repair. All the rooms were very small and it appeared that when the flooring started to get worn, another layer was put down. The parlor still boasted an ancient piano under mounds and mounds of other assorted crap. Every room was filled with years and years of collected stuff that are now so badly decayed that no one could use them.

Room after room I wandered looking at her stuff. I wanted to stay around for hours, but the inside atmosphere was so unbearably creepy I had to leave. I did manage to find some goodies, and David helped her pull the sign in as we left. I sat in the car for some time reviewing what I had seen. This was an actual building that was caught in time, like a bug in amber. Old wood stoves and coal stoves in every room, and wallpaper so faded and warn you could not recognize the design. This woman actually lived there...and with out a doubt, so did her parents and grandparents. the only nod to this century was a wall phone from about 1960.

I kinda forgot about it, till this weekend when I drove through the little town and saw that sign, she still is working that estate sale! So if anyone wants to view a living museum, with a real life curator, put on your grubbiest clothes and come and get me!

Thursday, October 7, 2010

The tie that binds


In the background is a wooden sign that shows a Nurse, a Marine and a Sailor, all WWI vintage (not sure why the Marine is in red??) and the words above it say "blessed be the ties that bind". I found it in the crawl space of our old house (dubbed the chock-full-o-nuts hotel for various reasons) and love it! Besides the fact that it is funky and was suppose to be a tie rack...get it...ties that bind...no...oh well, but that the words are true.

What ties us to who we are? Why did I rush back home after the tornado? Why do I wonder and worry about people I haven't seen in 30+ years? What makes us cling to the things we are familiar with (clogs, boot cut jeans, disco) and get ruffled with something new (rap, cyber space in general and photoshop). Are they ties or are they anchors???

Here are my ties that bind:
Coffee
Doing things MY way
Jeans that fit at the waste, call em' what you like, no muffin top here!
The Beatles
white bread (the squisher the better)
Cheap makeup
2nd handing...my entire house is from garage sales, thrift shops and 2nd hand places
cheap hair dye...I think there is some chemical that seeps into the brain
Chloe perfume
black purses
long nails, out of style..meh
scarves


Here are some things I wish were on that list:
exercises...*shudder*
house cleaning...*gavomit*
returning calls...I am terrible at that
birthdays
cooking

The ties that I seem to be hard wired into my system are deep and unmovable. Try as hard as I might you will never see my happy azz running a marathon...you may see me running amok, running scared, running off at the mouth or running off half cocked (??) but a 10K...nope

If you want to see me, c'mon! if you want to see the house, make an appointment...cleaning aint my thing.

Thank God for facebook, I can now wish people happy birthday with out fear of getting it wrong.

Don't get me started on cooking.

Ties that bind...think of them as a gentle embrace of our past. And who dosen't love a gentle embrace?

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Classic!


Went 'shopping' today, and out here in the boonies that can only mean the farm and fleet store or Aco. Bought my stuff and was wandering around looking at other useful things when I heard Janis Joplin over the intercom.

Take another litte piece of my heart...

So I am wandering around enjoying the music and I spy a little grannie type lady...you know, the sensible shoes, pastel polyester pants, matching sweatshirt with embrordery...and she was just standing transfixed in the isle with her eyes closed and a sly little smile on her face.

Pretty much said it all...and something tells me granny wasn't always in the kitchen making

Thursday, September 30, 2010

amazing!



A few months ago on Etsy, Foxontherun asked everyone to describe their 'look' and she would put together an outfit that matches. I wrote something like Annie Hall meets Drew Barrymore with Rosanne Barr boobs. Personally I think she nailed it!

It is some program called Polyvore and kinda cool...

I am amazed that people can see past our precieved imperfections and personal biases and push us into something we would never buy for ourselves. Wearing it, thats a different story. So, I challenge everyone today to yank out that thing that someone talked you into buying...(you know you got a few!) and try it out...you never know!

Except for mumu's, caftains, tube tops, and anything with sparkles. Just say no!

Monday, September 27, 2010

Vacation


Just got back last night after a fun filled week in beautiful San Diego!

And as usual, the weather was cold, rainy and for the most part, very Michigan like. I would like to point out that the day we left, the weather cleared and they are now experiencing unseasonable temperatures.

I am just not a very good vacation person. My plans are to do no shopping, maybe catch a show, eat some exotic food, see some sights and generally not think about anything. Hubs wants to sleep, visit historical sites and gain knowledge to use on 'Jeopardy' or 'Cash Cab'. He is patient as a saint, I am not...soooooo not.

So imagine my surprise to find we were staying at a perfectly nice hotel but everything was 'a short bus ride away'...I don't really do buses, much. I like to know where I am going, when I am going, and I want to go directly there...I don't much like the idea of traveling to one point to catch a bus to another bus to a trolley and then a short walk to the taxi stand. The hotel had a shuttle, but it took you to the airport or the mall. And for whatever sick and twisted reason, the hubs was insisting on taking the bus everywhere. Did I mention we didn't have a schedule...

At one point the shuttle driver dumped us out in the middle of nowhere with no one but homeless tinfoil hat wearing guys for company. And what did my stalwart husband do??? He yanks out a compass and stands in the middle of the street trying to find N. Two middle aged pasty faced white people with bad polyester Hawaiian shirts standing in the middle of the street looking for N. We might as well carried a sign that said 'steal our travelers checks'. I finally just started looking for the nearest coffee shop for some comfort and cover while Gunga-Dave looked for magnetic north.

Finally a mail carrier pointed us in the right direction and we walked to the Hard Rock. After leaving there we wandered all over that end of town looking for something interesting...never found it.

Next day we went to the Midway. Awesome place. We then tried to find a bus stop to take us home...walking forever, dodging more homeless people and pigeons, we gave up and tried to hail a cab. Apparently the cab hailing gene has not been passed down to my husband and while we continued wandering in the general direction of the hotel we never managed to catch a cab. My feet and patience gave up and I insisted he call the hotel for a shuttle...'sorry, he went home for the day'. So we walked to the next bus stop we could find, got on and drove 2 stops to our hotel...my 70spf was long gone, we hadn't eaten all day and I headed straight to the bar. 2 Mai tais later I was waisted and headed back to the room.

Still insisting we would take buses everywhere, we spent the next day at Oceans Beach. More homeless, lots of pigeons and antique malls...We ate at Hodaddys, and I managed to wolf down the humongous burger with no problem whatsoever. While we were waiting for a bus (again!) a taxi came up and said...'man, I will take you anywhere you need for $5 each' (I jumped in!) when I asked why he stopped he said...'you looked exhausted, like the typical touristas'...yup, he had me pegged.

David wanted to go to Old Town, so, bus schedules in hand we head out. Mexican food or bust! He had been told of a place to eat, so we wandered all over looking for the place (passing about 17 gillion other perfectly nice, not crowded cafes) We found the place...with a 45 minute wait. So we waited only to be sat at the wonkiest table in the place, so wobbly that my drink (an excellent sangria) had tipped over! The food was good and David over did it. We spent the next few hours walking for 20 minutes, finding the restroom for 20 minutes, walking...'resting'...all the way home.

I was kinda over this trip but David had scheduled a tour on the "Stars and Stripes" racing boat...meh, apparently this is a big deal. Me, I stayed at the hotel, sat by the pool, wrote, read, drank and finally enjoyed a bit of my perfect vacation.

I think this 'vacation thing' we keep insisting on putting ourselves through is gonna be the death of me yet.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

those stupid surveys that I always fill out!


These are the answers to one of those internet surveys I always fill out. It pretty much sums up the Queen in all her glory.

1. What color is your toothbrush?
I have no idea...can't even guess

2. Name one person who made you smile today:
David, I know-lame but he is the only one around here

3. What were you doing at 8 am this morning?
convincing myself that I need to get up after having a dream it was 10:00am

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago?
talking with David about nothing

5. What is your favorite candy bar?
the one in my hand, in my cupboard, or in the car...melted, stuffed behind a couch cushion...dosen't matter

6. Have you ever been to a strip club?
no, damnit, and I feel my life is a little empty

7. What is the last thing you said aloud?
do you want some tea with lemon??? (sick husband brings out the small amount of maternal instinct I have)

8. What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
Chocolate, with chocolate...Baskin Robbins use to have Bittersweet Chocolate...excuse me while I drift off a while..

9. What was the last thing you had to drink?
cold coffee, I'm too lazy to stick it in the microwave and too cheap to throw it out.

10. Do you like your wallet?
my wallet? wtf?

11. What was the last thing you ate?
broiled scallops

12. Have you bought any new clothing items this week?
I haven't bought "new" clothing in years

13. The last sporting event you watched?
sporting event...sporting event...dog agility...

14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn?
same answer as the candy bar.

15. Who is the last person you sent a text message too?
text messages are from the Devil...especially at 10cents a message...aka, don't text me!

16. Ever go camping?
now why would anyone want to do what they do outside that they can do inside????

17. Do you take vitamins daily?
yes, senior silver! now where is my AARP card, damnit!

18. Do you go to church every Sunday?
use to, till we moved to the great black swamp

19. Do you have a tan?
do I have a tan what?

20.Do you prefer Chinese food over pizza?
that depends, Chineese Chineese food or American Chineese food.

21. Do you drink your soda with a straw?'
now these questions are just stupid...to start with, I am from Michigan, we don't drink SODA, we drink POP...so the question should be do I drink pop with a straw, and I have to say...no, don't drink pop at all...whew!

22. What did your last text message say?
some wierd ass warning about going to Wal Mart and a gang initiation...whatever

23. What are you doing tomorrow?
getting the bug guy to help me through the great carpenter ant invasion I am having

25. Look to your left. what do you see?
my desk filled with jewelry pieces and parts

26. What color is your watch?
gold

27. What do you think of when you hear Australia?
Colin Hay songs...

29. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru?
I go in, so they make my coffee a decaf and not just tell me its a decaf...

30. What is your favorite number?
back in the day we all had favorite numbers, mine was 75! then I grew up and no body cared...

31. Who's the last person you talked to on the phone?
bug guy

32. Any plans today?
lunch with Kris, clean the house, bath...bed. whoopie!

33. How many states have you lived in?
3 if you count the few minutes I lived in North Canton and Brimingham ALA

34. Biggest annoyance right now?
Obama...pleeezzzeee don't get me started...

35. Last song listened to?
Jerry jeff Walker "una ma Cervesa" or Hoyt Axton "Boney Fingers" can't rmember

36,Can you say the alphabet backwards?
if given a long time to think about it and good enough reason, or a tazer in my face.

37. Do you have a maid service clean your house?
yeah, you bethca her name is Ginya, Queen of China and she is a Beee-itch

38. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?
I have these ding-dong orthotics that only fit in grandma shoes, but I did have leg braces and then it was frankinstein city...so um...what was the question???

39. Are you jealous of anyone?
people who never have to think about what they do to their health

40. Is anyone jealous of you?
lets see, 51, unemployed, thighs that still move 10 minutes after I get into bed, yeah but lets not all be haters...

41. Do you love anyone?
Yes, my boy Daid, the only man on the planet that will put up with my shit

42. Do any of your friends have children?
yes and some of them even like them!

43. What do you usually do during the day?
look for work, sweep up dog food, dink around, sweep up more dog food,

44. Do you hate anyone that you know right now?
after a certain time in your life you give up hate and settle into apathy

45. Do you use the word 'hello' daily?
you mean like 'hello' ie stupid or hello, as a greeting? cuz the first one is lame

46. What color is your car?
Saturn is silver with mud colored spots, Miata is Black with mud covered everything

47. Do you like cats?
depends on how they are surved

48. Are you thinking about someone right now?
no, I'm filling out this ding-dong questionare

49. Have you ever been to Six Flags?
nope,

50. How did you get your worst scar?
biopsy on my boob, after everyone thought it was a gunshot wound(which was a rumor I started) I had a tatoo covering it.
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Wednesday, September 15, 2010

sometimes you just gotta vent!



Whenever Sophie his annoyed, frustrated or just pissy, she always has a subtle little way to let me know. How I wish I were as self controlled.

Nope, when I get my nose out of joint, knickers in a twist, panties bunched or honked off I basically do one of 5 things:

1) eat, usually something unhealthy, greasy or downright life threatening
2) cuss...a blue streak, usually accompanied with a classic Daffy Duck style melt down
3) withdraw, grabbing my binky and a book and head for my bedroom
4) drive...often to get the greasy killer food
5) eat...I know, but I do it a lot!

I don't drink, (much) and I am not prone to violence (much) so grabbing a pillow and ripping the guts out of it would only amount to loosing a pillow and having to clean up the mess.

We have all been programed to deal with frustrations in various ways. My mom would clam up, wouldn't say a word, for weeks...this is not the best and most effective way to deal with an issue as it never gets confronted and everyone is doing the happy dance for some peace and quiet.

My husbands talks it out...and out and out...alright already!!!! You think Modern Family is funny, I don't, lets just agree to disagree.

My Grandfather was a master at the art of 'Poking the Bear' and would plan large elaborate schemes to cause some conflict...usually involving my mother...and as fun as it was watching the outcome...(5 weeks of silence followed by a sonic boom that could be heard in Hong Kong) even I realized that was some sick game.

Personally I think venting is good...even the giant kamahai-mahi melt down that accompanies me when I miss Project Runway or can't find my crimping beads. (yup, don't take much!) Not sure I would take it out on a poor old cushion, but that is Sophie's job.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Eat here...or not



WARNING: I AM IN A PISSY MOOD AND I KNOW HOW TO USE IT

Took myself out for some errands and general dinking around and decided to stop at a fairly nice restaurant in the area. Actually very nice, napkins and everything! I wanted a cup of coffee and a salad...cup of coffee and a salad, keep this in mind.

I know I am in the 'crappy tipper' demographic of society...single middle aged woman who knows exactly how much work is involved in writing down an order and bringing it out. Yup, we are crappy tippers.

Now, as far as career choices for me, waitressing would fall somewhere between police officer and day care worker...anyone who knows me knows I would shoot every idiot that was talking on the cell phone while eating a burrito and trying to make a left handed turn...I would duct tape all the kids to the walls and feed them benydryl smoothies...so waitressing is right out. I know what a pain in the azz I am, and I wouldn't want to deal with the likes of me.

I have never been a waitress, dishwasher yes, and that was a 'shoot me now' situation. So please forgive me if I get lost in the nuances of writing down my order.

Back to the cup of coffee and a salad...

I am seated in a dark corner at one of those half tables only big enough for one person or 3 anorexic teenagers...fine...no problem, but apparently I am forgotten, or just flippin' invisible. Finally I ask another waitress from another section for a coffee...10 minutes later I get it (no cream tho). I want to walk out at this point, I do not wait well but dang it I want my cup of coffee and a salad. Flagging down the waitress I ask for some cream and then finally MY waitress shows up to take my order...cobb salad with turkey, blue cheese crumbles on the side, honey mustard dressing. 20 minutes later I get Chef salad with chicken covered with blue cheese crumbles and a cracker. Whatever, I got my cup of coffee and a salad...the coffee has run out and a 2nd cup is a dream away...my salad is uneatable for me (can not stand blu cheese, but David loves it so I bring it home to him) so I give up and start the process of looking around for any waitress to bring me a box. 20 minutes later they bring me a bill, when I ask for a box it is basically tossed at me and then and only then I am asked if I want another cup of coffee...the bill

:$13.64

Look, I know how difficult it is being in the service industry. You got to have the heart to deal with idiots like me..(how dare I ask for something on the side, doncha know we are BUSY!) and any job is a good job...but don't ask me to subsidizes your hourly wage with my tip and not treat me like a boss. I don't want you to sit down and explain the specials or introduce me to the chef, just write down the order and check back every once in a while.

So I left and didn't leave a tip...and here is the kicker...I am feeling GUILTY for 'stiffing' the waitress of her tip...

No other place on earth do we expect workers to work for sub-par wages and expect the clients to make up the difference. Where and when did this get started? You leave a tip in any other country and you may just get your ass handed to you. I have insulted more Asian waiters by saying thank you (no need to thank someone who is just doing the job they were hired to do) and had an Australian barman rip me a new one by leaving a tip. "ere, I don't work for you Lady!". Here we are so conditioned to leave a tip that even when service is lousy and overprices we still tuck that dollar under the plate.

So now I have a wilting overpriced salad covered in blue cheese waiting for David, (who leaves ridiculously large tips)and am waiting for my very bad coffee to finish brewing. Next time, McDonalds!

Thursday, September 9, 2010

livin' in the boonies



This is a picture of my front yard...note: no yard

Yup, I live in the boondocks, the sticks, the middle of BFE, out in the country. My road is a dirt road that is connected to another dirt road. Pizza delivery is a concept that has not quite made it to my world. I have no curtains, can walk around but-nekked, and play my music as loud as I want to...neighbors are not a problem.

Having said all of that, please don't assume because my car is covered with smutz and funk that I am a slob...don't write in the dust on my window (and for sure and for certain, don't let me catch you at it next time I am at Walmart, ya little azzhat!)

When I tell you where I live don't get confused and ask about my town, there isn't one...Jerome is not near anywhere. Closest town?? Summerset? Moscow? North Adams...does that help??? Closest town with a...oh, lets say store??? Jonesville??? And to be absolutely truthful, I live in a nonexistent town called Bundy Hill. Exactly in the center of no-freakin'where.

It was my choice to live out here in the middle of nuttin'...so why is it such a major stumbling block for all employers??? Everyone questions the address, desperately trying to get a fix on my location...give it up, it aint on a map. They all decide that 'I live too far away to be effective.' HUH???

OK, let me put this in writing for all eternity. Where I live is my problem, not yours. Hire me and I will be at work, no doubt early. I will never whine about the cost of gas, the drive in blinding snow or my hour and half commute. I will always have reliable transportation...go ahead and worry about the drunk in the next cubical, I'm fine.

I like living in the quiet, I really like being able to wander around in my jammies, look out my window and see deer, turkey, fox and occasionally the neighbors horse. I can deal with the dirt on my cars, the snowbird neighbors, the bugs, bats and other beasts that share their environment with me. Sidewalks are over rated.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

random and needless ranting



This is a picture of the first piece I posted in my shop. I like it, and apparently that is good cuz I still got it! I realize my style (or lack of one) is not everyone's cup of tea but it makes me feel good. I know I have no style, I like what I like in spite of trends. Yup, still sporting my 80's throw back rat tail, and I DID get (after much wrangling) my tiny round blue eyeglasses. My hair may be various shades of purple depending on my whims and what colors are in the Big Lots clearance bin, my shoes will no doubt be clogs...yup, you can see me comin' from a mile away. But...and this is a big big but...I do try to be covered, clean and put together. My nails will be done, hair will be combed, and the 'girls' will be locked and loaded.

And then I go outside:

Let the rant begin!

Women, if you need a bra, wear a dang bra! Nobody...no-body wants to see your saggy baggy 'use to be fun bags' bouncing down the street. Look, I know better than most what a giant pain in the ass wearing a bolder holder can be, but the moss and fungi that grow under there can't be all that comfy either. If they hang to your waist then tuck them bad boys in. Also, side boobage is not and never will be attractive. And thanks to the website 'people of Walmart' I am now aware of a thing called 'Back Boobage'. Holy mother or pearl...if your back looks like you are wearing a floatation device the wrong way, you got a problem and it is not solved by wearing a halter.

Just say no to crack, in any form...back crack, butt crack, front crack...cover that up, avoid bending and buy some pants that fit! You might have had a size 32 in high school but I doubt it started at your knees. Get over yourself.

Ladies...if you need glasses, wear your dang glasses...don't put your makeup on till you can see cuz the rest of us are walking around wondering what circus just pulled in. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO DRAW YOUR EYEBROWS ON WITHOUT PROFESSIONAL ADVICE. And for god's sake check for sprouting hair in various and interesting places. Growing older means hairs show up in the most unusual areas and grey hair reflects sunlight...look, if you got hairs sprouting out of your nose either pluck em', braid em', or comb em' into a porn-stash.

Just because it fits does not mean you should wear it...yesterday I saw a lady wearing some sporty sweat pants with a cutsy word spread all across her backside...but these were like a size 2T because her gut was hanging over the top and down the front...(sorta a slow ooozing to the ground effect) she was also sporting a graphic T that must have stolen from her baby niece. Stay classy!

And...and, and, and....If you are too ding dong tired to stand upright, do not go to the store and use the carts as some impromptu walker for your upper body. What the heck is this??? I am seeing it everywhere, people all hunched over the cart like they are barley able to stand upright. I was at Hobby Lobby the other day and a YOUNG GIRL was laying on the counter waiting for her order to be rung up. Baby, if your boobs are that much of a burden, go get them trimmed back.

Look, we each have a style, even if it is no style at all...all I am saying is to not give up, try a bit harder and think of the rest of us out here in the real world that has to look at your hairy back, crusty toes or funked up finger nails.

Whew, I feel better!

Saturday, September 4, 2010

acting my age...



Whatever the hell that means, apparently it means sitting by the fireside dreaming of days gone by...nope, not me, aint gonna happen.

When the opportunity came to haul my happy azz around the track at Michigan International Speedway came up I jumped at it. I was so excited! I wanted to get out and scream around the track in my itty-bitty car with the windows down and my tunes blasting...('gonna ball tonight' by BB King and Eric Clapton) and I did by God!

What surprised me was the reactions from family and friends...
'you are gonna do what??? why? Is David going? How come? what would possess you to want to do that..." OMG! why wouldn't you??? urg!

What does my age or gender matter on doing what is fun. Personally I have no desire to jump out of a perfectly good plane, but if I did, then I would! If I want another tattoo, then I'm going for it, I got all the piercings I need, but dang it, if I wanted more I would be sporting more bling than a cheap Detroit rapper.

Life is too short to deal with regret. I learned my lesson with this big time years ago. Hubs and I went on a cruse to Mexico...snorkeling was included in the package. So off we went and I was dragging my feet the entire time. I didn't want anyone to see me in a bathing suit, I was fat and gross and thought people would make fun of me. So sitting on the beach, feeling sorry for myself I suddenly was hit with the idea that A) I didn't know these people from Adam and B) I really don't care what these people think anyway. So I got the snorkeling equipment and jumped into the water. I was surrounded with the most amazing fish, the colors were so indescribably beautiful and the water was so warm, I was in heaven! If I hadn't 'got over myself' I never would have had that experience. I decided at that point to not let any chance get away from me again.

So, while I am sorry that my family and friends spend a great deal of time trying to figure out what I am trying to do...(just living in the moment, I assure you!) I got the rest of my life to live.

Don't let yourself get talked out of enjoying all Gods wonderful gifts...sing loud and strong as often as possible, try new and exotic food, dance even if you can't...cuz (as I've said before) nothing hurts worse than regret.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

here comes the sun



do do do dooooo...

I love that song, so hope full and full of life. It always makes me happy to hear it, even in the dead of winter when my boogers are frozen and all I want to do is sit in a hot tub and thaw out. Ah, the joys of living in Michigan, land of endless winter and killer recession.

So driving to town today I saw the leaves starting to turn color...now most people find this charming, I do not.

I am not a fan of snow, cold or even a light frost.
I do not get all misty eyed at the thought of sleds or cross country skis or ice skates.
I do not get excited at the idea of sitting in front of a fireplace drinking hot chocolate.
I hate the entire process of preparing for winter.

Yeah, the wood is chopped, but way the hell out by the lake...why??? cuz that's where the hubs stacked it...the concept of hauling it to the house and stacking it nice and neat will be discussed at length and in great detail sometime mid November.

Last year, when we realized our car was not designed for winter weather, we were going to replace it with a nice all wheel drive...yeah you betcha...so come October when I am stuck in the driveway and cussing a blue streak you can bet the hubs (who is driving a truck) will be long away at work.

And living in the boon docks with a car that gets stuck in frost means you gotta plan ahead...otherwise its oatmeal for dinner again. And I am not good at planning ahead.

So, break out the cute sweaters and boots, cold weather is on its way...and think of me when you are enjoying the frost on the windows and making snow angels cuz I will be shivering under a blanket, cussing my lazy ass ancestors who were too dang weak willed to head out to California and dreaming about Hawaii.

Here comes the sun, do do doo doo...and it alright...........

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

dreamin' the dream




Not sure if I have posted about my hubs's grandma before, so forgive me if this is a re-run, it is the summer after all. Anyway, the picture is David's grandma, back in the day and she sure had some style! Dang, I wish I had that hat!

Cora was a dreamer...she was a frustrated poet and song writer and even had a song 'published'. Oh, sure it was a vanity press kind of thing and I am sure she had to pay for the privilege, and the song was actually 'recorded' on a squeaky 78...but she went for it. So if you ever hear 'Moonlight on Lake Erie' you will know it was Cora Basten Benner who wrote it! Her poetry was kinda sickly sweet but she tried, damnit!

And my friend Susie, AKA Lynn Marie...who wrote a book! hell, I can't commit to a shopping list and she writes a book! I was so proud of her! She loves to write and became an author a few years ago. So look for her book on Amazon.com if you love a love story! Can't wait for her next one!

And me...well I guess I am livin' the dream too...trying to make jewelry and maybe use my 'artistic' skill once and a while.

We all have dreams. Maybe we all wont have a song recorded or write a book, but we can express ourselves. Cooking is an amazing way to express yourself, and if you have old family recipes...write them down for all your kids, (I am so dang tired of trying year after year to get my mom's lebchucken recipe from my sisters) believe me, they will appreciate it.

And who knows where our dreams may take up...mine lead me all the way to China. but that is another story for another time! Dream on friends!

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

WAT??????????????



got to go for a ride today...not so much fun cuz the man who sticks me wit poky tings said i had a...lemme try to member...

false preg..sumptin or other...

all i no is my boobies are sore and all i wanna do is sleep

big lady bot me a toy so i can cuddle and yello cat is leavin me alone so dat is gud

food don taste so gud anymore and i am sad...

*sigh*

i hope you summer is going better than mine, i cant wait to feel better and get back to runnin the business...give your furry friends a hug from me today, im goin back to bed

Friday, August 20, 2010

trying to be cool...




I love these glasses...love them to pieces...but try to find some cool vintage looking glassed around here and you hit a brick wall. I went to the eye doctor today and while I will put up with all the indignities of trying to rememeber my right from left, which set of blurry letters are better and stare directly into a light bright enough to cut metal, I think I should be rewarded with a condicending free attitude from the staff. Aparently I am asking too much...

My all time wish for glasses are some perfectly round...(no NOT Harry Potter, John Lennon, thank you very much) metal frames with a nice blue tint, when I ask for that I am looked at like a freak, or told....and I quote...'oh man, we get YOU PEOPLE in here about once a year'...(you people???)
Now, I know I live in the great black swamp that is Michigan...and style has very little to do with my life, but damnit, I want what I want...

so today...
after looking at all the typical average, 'designer' frames and being told my request for the round frames were really not very 'stylish' and wouldn't I much rather have these Vera Bradley specials with the rhinestones on the ear pieces...
I walked out glasses-less.

If I can spend 10 minutes on the internet and find these why can't the perma-tanned, professionally streaked, quasi professional find them.
If I want to tool around looking like a 60's throwback... its my business...if I want to give off wierd 'nutty-professor' vibes, its still my business.

I don't want to be 'stylish' hell, at my age, style has no impact on my life. I kinda like quirky, interesting, cool, wacky or even odd...I can live with those. So keep your cookie cutter frames and work with me here...maybe I will end up regretting it, maybe after a while I will get tired of all the side long looks and snickers, (doubt it) but its my money, my face, my request and my life...

But what the hell, at least they didn't weigh me!

Thursday, August 19, 2010

A dogs life


This is Anni...short for Anastasia (forgive me Don, if I misspelled that) guardian of the hearth and home as long as its not too scary, a kid, a bird or the neighbor with whom she is in love.

Her life consists of avoiding eating the dog food I put out for her, rushing to the door, trying to squeeze under my desk during storms and keeping Sophie company. That's about it. I don't expect her to bark at the door bell, guard the house or patrol the grounds. I do expect her to come when called, stay out of the cat box, leave the cat alone, don't eat the cat food and generally just avoid the cat. Most of which she does. We have a perfect relationship.

She is respectful of company (after the novelty wears off) stays off the furniture and tries real hard not so lick those questionable places. I try to keep her safe, reasonably groomed and up to date on shots. Our relationship works.

She doesn't expect me to read her mind, know what she is feeling or understand her moods...She doesn't need the latest new dog fad, cell phone or drivers license. I can leave her in the car while I go get my coffee and no one will call the cops. She has never slammed a door, called me stupid, stomped around being sullen or tried to dye her hair green with jello.

All in all the perfect companion for me.
She keeps me well aware when a storm is coming, eats all the leftovers and thinks I'm interesting. She has never been aggressive, snappy or even the least bit grouchy. She keeps her political views to herself and lets me watch whatever I want on tv...

Now, if she would just learn to dust...

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Which way to Paris???



Moral dilemma time:

I have a lot of frequent flyer miles (from my previous life) ready to expire..a lot, like a LOT. Which means I pretty much have the world at my finger tips...what to do, what to do...
Do I go back to London and yuk it up with my Limey (sorry) friends? Maybe a side trip to Paris???
Or do I do the right thing and plan a nice vacation for me and the hubs...
*sigh* Ideally, I would love to spend time with my husband, the man who has put up with my crap for 30 years but we just do not vacate well. Any and all vacations start out like this:

what do you wanna do?
donno...what do you wanna do???
donno...they have a nice Zoo here...
you wanna go to the zoo?
meh, do you?
if you want to, we can go...
do you want to go to the zoo???
not so much, you?
naw, so what do you want to do???
repeat until I am pulling my hair out and stomping around the hotel room like my feet are on fire.

And don't say we need a destination vacation or an itinerary cuz it always ends up the same...

Last year, Las Vegas:
what do you wanna do???
etc...wanna go to the Grand Canon???
do you, cuz we can go it you want to...
argh!!!!!!!!!!

Its no secret, we talk about it all the time. His ideal vacation is to crew some tall ship in some god forsaken storm somewhere...mine, sitting at some sidewalk cafe sipping Kir Royal and watching the world go by. He wants to go to every museum and read every teeny-tiny placard in the joint, I want to look at interesting things in a timely manner and get on with life. He wants to sleep till noon, I want to be enjoying breakfast and lingering over coffee.

The best vacation I ever had was when I took my friend Susie and fled to London...heaven with no agenda!

Hawaii turned into a 'lets spend the days making Ginya nuts' time with every morning filled to the brim with indecision. I planned to spend the time doing abso-freakin-lutely nothing but sitting on a beach and thawing out. If he wanted to go para sailing (tho I highly doubt it) then have at it Buddy, just wave down the cabana boy to bring me another Mimosa before you go...instead it was the standard, sleep till noon, wander around in a fog till 2 then plan the day. We went to Pearl Harbor, and I was interested for about 10 minutes...then a few more rounds of
what do you want to do...
urg!!!!!

So, as soon as we can arrange the time off, we will be planning yet another vacation for parts unknown. And I will get all the tourist books and plan out the agenda and then we will spend the days trying to make each other happy...which never ever works.

Friday, August 13, 2010

what you can do when there is nothing to do...


This is my next obsession...making 'flowers' from goodwill cast off fabric. Its fun, its easy and it keeps me off the streets. It gives me a chance to reuse fabric that would end up in land fills and (hopefully) is kinda cute. The center being a weird ring from yet another garage sale, it is the essence of what Queen G is all about.

I find that being here at the lodge in the middle of the great black swamp that is Michigan and not especially gregarious to my snow-bird neighbors, I have to find ways to amuse me...and making stuff is one of my passions.

Youtube, facebook, Etsy, and other web sites also are great time killers. Last week my computer was broken and I dang near lost my mind and cleaned the closets.

I think I know now why our grandparents were always knitting, sewing, making quilts and baking...its because its fun, there was no Internet and after quilting you end up with a quilt. (where as after playing bubble breakers all day you end up with carpal tunnel, tendinitis and a sever case of 'squint eye')

Yeah, things were hard back then...just the idea of laundry was an all day event, with the next few days set aside for ironing...*shudder* But I think it was more centered back then. Everyone put their heart and soul into everything they did. Now you want a quilt, go buy one (yawn) get the exact color and style and make sure it has matching dust ruffles...back then, you spent the evenings cutting up feed sacks, old clothes and whatever else, then got the ladies together for a quilt making party and yukked it up...

I would love to get the 'ladies' together for a party where everybody made something and could reuse old 'things' to enjoy again...and maybe, before the snow flies I may send out the invite and have a good old fashion 'make it take it' party...any one interested???

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Back in the Day


I was just about finished posting some completely random thoughts about how back in the day (when the picture was taken...1880, Monroe Mi. Washington and Front St.) people use to take formal portraits for everything...births, deaths and marriages. And the pictures were beautiful to look at, well made and placed in exquisite family albums of velvet.

I was till my computer died and all my work vanished in the blink of an eye.

It sorta made the point I was trying to make. How this generations images are all clicked on a cheap digital camera or cell phone while standing in a bathroom trying to look coy. How when we will be old and gray; listening to 'the best of Donna Summer' being piped thru the sound system at the nursing home; we will be wondering why there are no good pictures from when we were kids.

And then my computer blinked out and it was all gone...

People use to take formal portraits for everything...last time I had my picture taken I was at the DMV. We are missing something here.

Are our memories at the hands of our computers? (cuz I am in big trouble!)

Do we really want to be remembered by our facebok entries?

And what of the future generations? Will they have 'antique' pictures of mom and dad flashing on some portable digital screen...(probably)

I recommend the book
'Wisconsin Death Trip' by Michael Lesy (and, full disclosure here, had to look that up on Wicopedia) It is a pictorial book of a year in the life of a small town in Wisconsin...chocked full of formal portraits and weird little news clips of what life was like 'back in the day' It is weird, wonderful, creepy and thought provoking.

And, take some time from your busy life and look at the family pictures from back in the day, share them with family, add a few stories for memories sake, keep that part of the past alive!

Wednesday, August 4, 2010



I wish I could remember who designed this because I would love to give them credit but I don't...sorry whoever!

Anyway, I watched a movie yesterday on IFC called 'Chapter 27' about the 3 days leading up to the killing of John Lennon. Intense, disturbing and sad. But what was interesting to me was the people reaction, as I recall, no one burned any buildings, overturned any cars or protested in any way. People just gathered and were sad.

I think we have lost something in the last 20 years. Our understanding? Our patience? Our compassion? Our dignity? Now when there is any major news we wait to see which rap singer, political junkie or has-been actor is going to scream conspiracy theory.

We all were glued to the media to see if Lindsey gets what she deserves...(she didn't) the so called 'reality' shows seem to wallow in the absolute bottom of society and yet we watch...we accept the dumbing down of our culture as entertainment. And we love every minute of it.

Yesterday, a man shot 8 people at his employment and it didn't even make the news!

I don't know if people are just tired of all the doom and gloom, or we just don't care. Our country is falling apart, our economy is a joke and our political system seems more like a popularity contest in the middle of a land mine. The talking heads are screaming while the populace is sleeping.

And yet what can be done? I don't know.

So for today I am going to Imagine...just like John said.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Queen of the Bean



From a fellow Etsian to a fellow Etsian, and I can't think of anything better to add.


JadeCreations says:
I am sorry for what you have been going through. I have had this for the longest time and I always thought it was an inspiring read. Maybe you will like it:


carrot - egg - coffee / a life lesson from the kitchen
22 08 2007

A carrot, an egg, and a cup of coffee…You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again.

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl.

Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, “Tell me what you see.”

“Carrots, eggs, and coffee,” she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.

Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled, as she tasted its rich aroma the daughter then asked, “What does it mean, mother?”

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

“Which are you?” she asked her daughter. “When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can’t go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling.

Live your life so at the end, you’re the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.
*anonymous author

Thursday, July 29, 2010

needing that spark



Depressing kind of day here at the possum lodge. Not much going on, long days of storms and hot weather keeping me from doing things I want to do. Not that I really have anything to do...

Summer...dog days of the year. Everyone is out being busy while I sit and wait for something to do, someone to call or something to happen. And I don't wait well.

I hate to wait. And I am married to the biggest procrastinator in the history of mankind. Not a good combination I can assure you. Even now I am waiting for him to finish his daily hour long shower so I can go to Walmart...waiting to go to WALMART. (hell, showering for Walmart for all that matters!!!) And then we will spend another half hour getting dressed, dinking around and then, finally we will go to...Walmart. I don't even want to go there but as I live in the middle of BFE the choice is Walmart of the BP.

Yup, Ive turned into the grouchy old lady who hates it when the kids drive their golf carts (don't ask) in her yard, who gets pissy if asked to attend a baby shower and grumbles about the price of bananas...the only thing missing is my polyester pants and floral shirt.

I need a spark...I need about 12 thousand volts actually. I need to feel needed, viable, relevant and useful...and waiting to freakin' go to Walmart aint cuttin' it.

So, bare with me folks, better days are coming and then I will bitch about being cold and snowed in.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

the tings i put up wif


sophie here...and i need some time to whine...look at that pitchur will ya...that big yello cat is in my box, my box mind you, mine

and big lady dont seem to care she just sits and plays with her beads all day while that big cat sits in my box it was all i could do to skweeze in next to it and not touch it

cats ugh

and the big yello cat thing gets to sleep whereever it wants while i gotta sit and be a good girl

and while i am at it, what is the deal with being on a chain, big yello cat goes where it wants...i keep hearing sumptin about bein in heat and it is hot out but i don no what that has to do wit me

i am learning stuff tho...i got a weird new bowl with bumps inside and it makes it harder to eat my food ~ it takes me almost a minute to eat now

and i figured out how to get on the big peoples bed its hard cuz i gotta run real fast and jump and hope my back feet hit the wooden rail and then push myself up but i can do it once in a while and boy it is excitin up there

on a sad note i don have any toys anymore big lady got rid of my stuffies cuz i kept pullin the heads off them so i got a chew toy called a kong but i chewed thru that...which i thot was the point...so it is gone and now i got nuttin' makes for some long days for sure

well i feel better and hope everyone out there readin this is having a good time this summer filled with lots of walks, good doggies and snacks

Monday, July 26, 2010

Making it work


Today I am having trouble getting motivated. I just don't want to do anything and that is a huge problem for me. Working out of your home with yourself as the boss makes it very easy to blow off working in favor of anything more interesting. Believe me, I can give you a list:

Like yesterday, went to a flea market...I did manage to score some vintage chains so I guess it was product development. But I can make any trip out work for me. Because I use weird things to make into jewelry, I've got to go to weird places...so if you see me at the junk yard, just wave. If you see my feet hanging over the edge of a dumpster, check to make sure I can get out. If I am digging in a box at the goodwill, step over, but if you see me at an estate sale, get out of my way and hang on to anything you are thinking of buying cuz those are my favorites!

I am making it work! Trying to make something out of nuttin' and creating things for the market place that are different. The piece in the picture if from an antique button and a Victorian picture I hand colored...one of a kind, like everything in my shop.

But before this turns into a commercial for Queen G, I should let you know a few of the things I couldn't make work:

playing the piano...fail
cross country skiing...fail
gardening...fail
learning Chinese...epic fail
photoshop...fail
excel...mondo fail
exercises in general...huge giant kamaha-maha fail

But these things don't make me happy so I don't really care. I just need to keep myself busy, relevant and occupied and I am happy. And some day my dream will come true and Tim Gunn will wander by and say..."make it work!"

Saturday, July 24, 2010

gifts from strangers



The necklace in the picture is an antique ceramic domino sent to me by a fellow Etsian who I never met. She sent 6 and I made this to send back to thank her. I love the way people will look at things and think 'I bet she could use this'. It makes me think people understand what I am trying to do.

My friend Connie, (bless her little cotton socks)found a box of padded envelopes and drove them to Michigan to give me...hundreds!!! That saves me so much money and was a huge sign that this is what I am suppose to do. THANKS CONNIE!!

Others see boxes of old buttons and broken jewelry and bring them to me, how awesome! I try to make something wonderful and gift it back, just to keep the love fest going. Cuz to me, that's what this is all about.

Sure, there is an element or recycling, some creativity and a big helping of challenge in what I do, but its more about giving the object a second chance to 'be' something.

And we all need second chances. (or thirds...)

And while the people who show up at my door bearing boxes of broken stuff think it is a small thing, to me, it is huge! You took time out of your busy day to think about me!!! Wow!

So lets all think about each other today and remember even the most insignificant thing in your eye may be a blessing in disguise to someone else...

Friday, July 23, 2010

Its that kind of day



Yup, a doughnut seed kinda day, at least in my mind. And more than a day, a week, a month, (who are we kidding, it's my life). Doughnut seeds, you know the thing that looks like it makes sense till you think about it...maybe too much.

Like yesterday...went to the drug store to talk to the Pharmacist about a poison ivy cream to act as a barrier to poison ivy.

Me: I saw some of this cream...yada yada yada...its really expensive and I want to know if it works.
Pharm: (confused look)
Pharm assistant: POISON IVY CREAM!
(did I mention the Pharmacist is like 3 days younger than God?)
Me: cuz like its $12 a tube...
Pharm: painfully getting up and lumbering out of his little cage, he limps past me and down one isle and up another till we find the poison ivy cream (yeah, he had no idea about it) turns and hands it to me and says; This the stuff???
Me: well, yeah
Pharm: looking at me like 'well????'
Me: reading the ingredients...Its just Zinc Oxide with some sun screen, so maybe I just need that...cuz when the dogs go in the woods they get covered with the oil...
Pharm: *blink-blink*
Me; and so maybe I really need...dog shampoo...
Pharm: lumbers away
Me: or doughnut seeds! anybody??? anybody???

yeah, its just me.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

good day~sun shine...



Today is a good day. I managed to get my hair cut without wanting to beat both the beautician and myself to death. I avoided the chocolate chip cookies in favor of some nice sweet dried apricots and I found OPI nail polish for $3...I think I am going to bed before this all comes crashing down on my head.

That's the way it works for me, something good, then something bad. It keeps me balance, I guess.

I'm not whining, there's no point in that....sure I am still 'not looking for work' and trying to be content with my at home business, but there is a part of me that longs for the days of 'Ginya, queen of the road!'. I miss going to airports and business meetings, bad coffee and deadlines. I miss the interactions with people...but then I remember those people, the back stabbing, lieing and manipulating people and I thank God I am here in my jammies.

I think the entire world is made up of the yin~yang of everyday existence. The sun comes up, and then goes down. We can look on the bright side or the crappy side...you get the flu...bad, loose 10 lbs because of it...good, seek out the flu to loose weight...stupid. Its all perspective.

So while the sun is still shining and before karma makes me her personal bi&*# I think I will just enjoy the moment.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

wow...sorry



It has been a long time between posts! Sorry about that, I would like to say I have been busy with housework (snicker), or studying for exams (not bloody likely) or rehabilitating an injured puppy..but alas, I am just lazy. I really don't like to write and find it hard to muster up the givadamn to get it together.

Time, got plenty of that...spend my days waiting for the phone to ring, making jewelry and thinking about what my next adventure in life will be. I also spend an inordinate amount of time tweaking my shop, yelling at the dogs and thinking about how I can get out of making dinner.

But every once in a while I catch a glimpse of whimsy that makes me want to jump online and share with everyone, and yesterday was one of those days.

Went to town to enjoy some junking and some decent food. Hubs and I are sitting in teeny-tiny Thai restaurant (love pad Thai with tofu!) and there are two sweet little old ladies there enjoying some Thai ice tea...classic American little old ladies, 75-80 at least, complete with the polyester sewn in pleat pants, matching twin sets, orthopedic walking shoes, bad perms and sparkle jewelry.

And I overhear this:

'you know I am looking for some new toons to listen on my Ipod' (yes, she said toons)
'well are you just listening or are you cleaning or listening in your car"
(see, I was hooked at the concept of the grandmas having an Ipod)
'no, for all around'
'well you can't go wrong with Lady GaGa, I really rock out with her"
"Ya, know, I find her too much like Madonna, too derivative to me...'

at this point I just looked at David with the patented 'scooby-doo' head tilt and crossed my eyes...he (in typical husband fashion) had no clue what was being said.

It was magic!

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

what sparks you?


I found this small metal spark plug tag a while ago and was looking for the perfect venue to place it. I really love the weird and funky stuff I find in my scrounging and this one fits in with the rest of my weird and wacky crap. Why be normal when there is an entire world of wonder out there?
It got me thinking about what 'sparks' my creativity, what makes me look at old upholstery tacks and drawer pulls and think...jewelry??? Is it the same misguided gene that makes me look at antique wheelchairs and think...furniture, or ancient farm equipment and think, plant stands???
And what does that say about my other choices in life...well, a lot.
I was raised by parents who lived through the depression. Our house lived on these basic set of rules:
make it do
wear it out
use it up
go without
Clothes were passed around the family like the chicken pox...canning was the summer time activity and Dad did all the car repairs. New shoes once a year, new coat every other year...it wasn't till I was in high school that I realized we were not poor.
Not that I am complaining, I love making do, beating the system and working around the obstacles.
Scratch and dent food...I'll check it out, no problem.
Home made hair do's, yeah I'm a victim of my own handiwork.
I still own a rotary phone...cheap? meh, but it still works, can find it in the dark, never runs out of batteries and people think its 'cute'.
we drive our cars till the wheels fall off and haven't bought 'new' (as in still has the tags) clothes in forever. Even as I type I am drinking some off brand Mexican cappuccino I got for half price at big lots. I love me a bargain!
So what sparks you? What makes you happy, excited, creative? I would love to know!

Friday, June 25, 2010

when life give you zippers...


make a zipper necklace...

I have always been a firm believer in playing the hand you are given. Trying to be something you are not can only lead to frustration, confusion and sadness in the end. I know I will never be...oh, say a:

supermodel
rock star
accountant
mother in law
famous chef (infamous maybe..anyone want a scoop of 'Dundee surprise'?)
talk show host

but I can be a:
good friend
salvager of broken crap
professional job interviewee
Beatle fan
competitive whiner
coffee freak

I can spend my days gluing things together and calling it art (and do) or I can spend my days looking for a job and whining that no one will hire me...(I do that too) or I can be handed a broken zipper pull and see the necklace inside.

So lets all forget about the broken zipper and look for the hidden jewelry!

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

all I want from my life....


To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded."
Ralph Waldo Emerson

can't ask for more or put it together better.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

what time is it anyway????


I have been looking for work for a few years now and finally have decided to forgo looking for a 'real job' and just try to find fulfillment in making stuff. Thank goodness for a husband who is gainfully employed or I would be brushing up on my insincere smile and asking if you would like fries with that.

At some point (or age) you just got to realize that there are some things you will not be put through...interviews come to mind, personality tests as well...I'm too old for this &^%$.

So, now I am officially a 'free spirit' and can do as I like, get up at noon if I want...oh, no my back wouldn't allow that...
eat when and where I want...no again, diet and bank account decide that...'more Romain noodles, dear???'
wear my jammies all day...no again, as I got to go out to the road to get the mail and my boobs need some serious support, all day swinging in the breeze is a recipe for back problems.

Well crap, maybe 'free spirit' is just in my mind. I would love to be that person, the successfully thin, beautiful, talented, superstar of stage and screen, loved by millions, America's sweetheart and Saundra Bullocks main competition, woman in my fantasies. But I guess I've got to be who I am...middle aged white woman with purple hair (don't ask) wandering around wal-mart looking for a good deal on doggie chew toys and clearance toothpaste.

What time is it? Reality time, but I'm cool with that too. Saundra, you can sleep well tonight.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

sophie again


big lady is out doin sumptin called garage sale shoppin so i got a chance to get back on the 'puter. how y'all been? things here are gud

for those of you that dint no, i got promoted...i am now vice perzident of the queen g company. not sure what that means, it sure dont mean more cookies, chew toys or trips in da car, thats for sure. but i am running a give away on the big ladies fan page so stop by and put yer name in on the discussion page. at the end of the month i am gonna pick a winner...how cool is that...

as long as i am at it, can i ask you all some questions? so many things confuse me and i cant seem to get an answer out of big lady...here goes

why do i have to stay off the bed when that yello cat thing gets to go whereever it wants

why cant i roll in the grass on that squishy stuff in the yard

why does my name change when i sneek out without my leash and who is jezus h krist anyway

why is big dog afraid of storms and how does peeing all over the house help

what does it mean to get fixed...am i broken

how can i convince big lady to take me for rides once in a while, and not to that man who is always poking me and stickin things up my butt...

anyway, i hop you all can answer some of these questions and feel free to ask me some, maybe i can help dont forget to go to the queen g fan page and enter the give away there may be a cookie in it for me

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Queen-G-designs/327874400438?ref=ts

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

not inspired!


The Queen has not been very inspired to write lately, and for that I am very sorry. maybe things are going so well that I don't have any reason to whine...or maybe I am just lazy (that's where my money is) or maybe there isn't anything interesting to write about.

Oh, lots of things have happened, birthday came and went without so much as a whimper, Fez finished school with flying colors, tornado destroyed my home town...you know, same ole, same ole...nuttin to see here, move it along.

But the simple fact is I am lazy. Really.

Sitting here gluing things together is about as ambitious as I get. And now I need more glue and can't pony up the interest to go to Wal-freaks on parade-mart to get more. Dinner, meh...I'll fix sumptin' edible...hopefully.

Laundry, let me know when you are on those last pair of tore up used to be whitey, no longer tighty's and I might manage to toss some in the washer...what??? dried on the same day? Dang! Who the heck do you think you are Donald Trump???

Vacuum? Dust, yeah right...how 'bout I open the doors and windows and wait for a good strong breeze...or I can get creative and use the leaf blower.

I do manage to get dressed most days, and slap some make up on, just so I don't freak out the gas station guy, again. I even get my hair combed, but really favor the 'just got out of bed' look...it works for me.

Nope, lazy...bone lazy...my latest thing is downloading audio books so I don't have to read. That's pretty dang lazy if you ask me.

So, sorry about taking so long to write a new blog post, I may get better, may not..whatever...unless I get some inspiration or something really, really pisses me off. (wanna bet what happens first?)

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Friendship


My favorite word, friendship. I cherish my friends so much! They send me snarky emails and tolerate my constant begging to view my Etsy shop. They write me long letters and short tweets, they show up at funerals and parties...they come and dig rocks from my yard and dress up in funny costumes for no apparent reason...they get tattoos with me and never comment on my hair...(or weight or shoes or clothes or...)They may even be related to me.

Friends are the glue that holds your brains in place...they keep you sane and make you nuts at the same time, they give you a reason to think twice about that tube top or make you try sushi...the first time you got drunk was probably with friends.

It may be years since you last talked to your friend, but connect with them and its like no time has passed. Facebook is wonderful for that! And the Friends I am connecting with now are so cool and funny and deep and witty and kind and lovely...who knew???

So, no cheese, no sappy sentiment, no crap...my friends, you all rock! My old Friends who I ran home to catch Dark Shadows with to my new friends I am finding thru the Internet, you all know who you are and you all rock!