Found while cleaning drawers...
Dear Dogs and Cats,
When I say move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.
The dishes with the cute paw prints contain your food, any others are mine. You can not stake your claim on my food by placing a paw print on my plate.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR. Beating me to the bottom is not the object and tripping me won't help as I can fall faster than you can run.
I can not buy anything bigger than a king sized bed...sorry. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretching out to the fullest extent. Stretching out legs, tails and tongues to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom. If, by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. I have been using the bathroom for years and your attendance is not mandatory.
Thanks in advance for your complete avoidance of these issues...
The person who feeds you.
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