Blaming my bumps

I have decided all my problems stem from not having my lumps in the right place.

My decisiveness or lack there of is because of that little lump behind my ear, or on top of my head, or whatever...and therefore I am not to blame.

Bashing my head does not rectify the situation. I have cracked my head on my way down the stairs a few times and my perception of reality does not change.

So any of my social ills, my proclivity to use words like proclivity, and my stingy attitude about spending cash is all associated with my lumpy-bumpy dome. Or maybe my smooth cranium...whatever...

its not my fault and you can't blame me.
or my parents.
or my childhood, education, mental state, or economic situation...

nope, its my bumps.

Keep all your psycho-babble, your new age homeopathic cure all's, your medicine, your therapy and your spiritual healing...its all for nothing if your lumps don't line up...

And if your lumps don't line up, sorry about your luck...that future of wealth and prosperity is all for naught...the lumps don't lie.

So, while it sucks having lumps that indicate I am a bitter, whiny old bat with delusions of grandeur...you can't hold me at fault.

It ain't my fault!