its a dogs life

I imagine it is hard to sleep 20 hours a day, you both work quite hard at your profession.
You both hold down that couch pretty good, that's impressive.
And both of you are amazing bark machines...but I really don't need you to bark at thunder,
or cars driving past,
or each other,
or mirrors,
or the cats,
or the ringing phone,
or at the ice machine,
or at police dogs on C.O.P.S.
or at me when I am getting out of the shower
or mail ladies, UPS people or the bug guy...

You have my permission to bark when the neighbors house is being broken into,
deer eating my hosta,
strange sounds in the middle of the night...

And go find out what the sound is...don't come barking onto the bed and run in circles...that really doesn't help.

Your job, if you choose to accept it, is to give me one minute to find my glasses and load the gun...after that, you are both on your own.

Oh, and the dog food will be eaten one way or the other...yes, I imagine it would save a lot of steps to just toss the bag in the front yard and eliminate all the steps in between, but humor me and eat what I put in your bowl...its the same in all 3 bowls, so why you feel the need to check out each others is beyond me.

And on those rare occasions when someone actually can find the house and knock on the door...just let me handle it, I'm pretty sure it's not for you.

No you can't have any chocolate, its bad for you and I ain't sharing anyway, get over it...you don't see me drooling over your pig ears do you???

So, just keep dong what you do, snore to your hearts content and try real hard to let me be alpha dog once in a while, after all, I'm the one with thumbs and know where the treats are.