Tuesday, September 7, 2010

random and needless ranting

This is a picture of the first piece I posted in my shop. I like it, and apparently that is good cuz I still got it! I realize my style (or lack of one) is not everyone's cup of tea but it makes me feel good. I know I have no style, I like what I like in spite of trends. Yup, still sporting my 80's throw back rat tail, and I DID get (after much wrangling) my tiny round blue eyeglasses. My hair may be various shades of purple depending on my whims and what colors are in the Big Lots clearance bin, my shoes will no doubt be clogs...yup, you can see me comin' from a mile away. But...and this is a big big but...I do try to be covered, clean and put together. My nails will be done, hair will be combed, and the 'girls' will be locked and loaded.

And then I go outside:

Let the rant begin!

Women, if you need a bra, wear a dang bra! Nobody...no-body wants to see your saggy baggy 'use to be fun bags' bouncing down the street. Look, I know better than most what a giant pain in the ass wearing a bolder holder can be, but the moss and fungi that grow under there can't be all that comfy either. If they hang to your waist then tuck them bad boys in. Also, side boobage is not and never will be attractive. And thanks to the website 'people of Walmart' I am now aware of a thing called 'Back Boobage'. Holy mother or pearl...if your back looks like you are wearing a floatation device the wrong way, you got a problem and it is not solved by wearing a halter.

Just say no to crack, in any form...back crack, butt crack, front crack...cover that up, avoid bending and buy some pants that fit! You might have had a size 32 in high school but I doubt it started at your knees. Get over yourself.

Ladies...if you need glasses, wear your dang glasses...don't put your makeup on till you can see cuz the rest of us are walking around wondering what circus just pulled in. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO DRAW YOUR EYEBROWS ON WITHOUT PROFESSIONAL ADVICE. And for god's sake check for sprouting hair in various and interesting places. Growing older means hairs show up in the most unusual areas and grey hair reflects sunlight...look, if you got hairs sprouting out of your nose either pluck em', braid em', or comb em' into a porn-stash.

Just because it fits does not mean you should wear it...yesterday I saw a lady wearing some sporty sweat pants with a cutsy word spread all across her backside...but these were like a size 2T because her gut was hanging over the top and down the front...(sorta a slow ooozing to the ground effect) she was also sporting a graphic T that must have stolen from her baby niece. Stay classy!

And...and, and, and....If you are too ding dong tired to stand upright, do not go to the store and use the carts as some impromptu walker for your upper body. What the heck is this??? I am seeing it everywhere, people all hunched over the cart like they are barley able to stand upright. I was at Hobby Lobby the other day and a YOUNG GIRL was laying on the counter waiting for her order to be rung up. Baby, if your boobs are that much of a burden, go get them trimmed back.

Look, we each have a style, even if it is no style at all...all I am saying is to not give up, try a bit harder and think of the rest of us out here in the real world that has to look at your hairy back, crusty toes or funked up finger nails.

Whew, I feel better!

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