Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Advise from the Queen. Vol 1

Today's musings will be from the book of life, Chapter 1 Verse 1...

1.There are certain things you should not buy from 2nd hand stores or deep discount places...those include:
a) condoms
b) hair dye
c) any form of medicine that has to be inserted into any orifice
d) anything with Elvis as an icon
2. Waiting till the last minute to make the Dr.s appointment will not force you into loosing the last 10(or 50) pounds you promised to loose...go to the Dentist instead, they don't weigh you there.
3. Wanting aint getting, especially in the form of good weather, cheap airfare and cute shoes that fit
4. The bigger the bra, the more industrial it looks
5. The more complicated the phone, the higher chance you have of dropping it in the toilet.
6. The hair style you see in the mirror at home has nothing to do with what is actually on your head
7. Leave anything with the word 'skinny' in the title to the 20 somethings (unless it is directly followed by the word bitch)
8. Being frugal is different from being cheap. Frugal=looking for a sale. Cheap= dumpster diving behind the Sunoco
9. Never pass up the opportunity to take a wizz. Trust me on this one!
10. The chance of getting the ....(insert need here, ie: job, call back, right size panti hose) is about the same as being hit by a meteor...go ahead and try, just wear a helmet.

That is your words of wis-dumb for today, all rise and sing the Queen Ginya song...
"You can't always get what your waaaaaant..."


  1. But if you try, sometimes
    You just might find
    you get what you need . . .

  2. AHAH dumpster diving behind the Sunoco! Thats hilarious. I also agree to never pass up an opportunity to wizz. My bladder is the size of a grape.