Sunday, April 11, 2010

The Queen is back

Just got back from a fun filled vacation and while I missed being here I certainly did learn a few things in the process.
1. The older I get the less tolerant I am of:
a) screaming kids
b) unkempt salad bars
c) grits
d) morning tv
e) USA today
2. White, pasty faces, hairy, giggly legged northerners have no business on boogie boards after the age of 30
3. Spf 30 should be issued at all state lines past Ohio
4. Nobody wants to see your Lilly white,cottage cheese bee-hind rockin that thong in spite of what the girl told you at 'Forever 21'.
5. There is nothing sadder than a 50 year old trying to keep up with a group of 17 year olds. This applies in fashion, flirting and food bars.
6. If you rocked it in the 70's, leave it alone now...this includes:
a) mini skirts
b) fake tans
c) white eyeliner
e) volleyball
I know I am being a bit pessimistic and could be accused of being ageist, but really, I saw far too many saggy butts in daisy dukes, faded tattoos, saggy-baggy boobs and sunburned backsides to fill a NASCAR rally. (and those were just in my bathroom mirror)

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