My heart is in the right place

My mouth and brain, not so much.

So I get a warning from etsy to learn to play nice or we wont let you talk to the other cool kids, and I am thinking...I don't care. If you act like an asshat, I'm probably gonna call you an asshat. And, if I am acting like an asshat, I fully expect to be called out on it...of course, that will never happen, just sayin'.

And if the local news asks my opinion on the Govenor, well...

Or if I am minding my own business at the local ACO and you come in all wierd and smelly and hand me a tract I will also probably lay some 'truth' on you. (first tip: take a bath, second tip: take the very obivious doiley off your head and avoid big giant hair bows).

And if you ask my opinion and I nicely and with as mush tact as I can muster offer you some constructive critisim, please take it with grace. Calling me and my momma every name in the book isn't gonna earn you any brownie points. And yes, I still think trying to sell mason jars with cloth under the rim is country but not classy. Selling them for 10X what people can get them for anywhere on this planet is just stupid...and yes, I'm sorry you asked too.

So I guess I stand by my constant prayer...
Dear Lord,
please keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand across my mouth.
Amen, and Amen.

Waitin' for the phone to ring

Tyler, waiting for the phone to ring...

That must be a thing of the past...with texting, and cell phones and other assorted electronic leashes...no more sitting around waiting for that call. No more staring at the phone willing it to ring. No more sitting right next to the thing defying anyone to even think about touching it cuz you are 'waiting for a call!!!'. No more picking it up a million times checking to see if it still is working... Hmm..kinda sad the things we don't have anymore.

Like:
TV shows that advertise that they are in color.
Getting the family together and showing home movies on a sheet taped to the wall.(Getting the family together at all!)
Ronald Regan saying that poem with the lines 'and touch the face of God' just before the TV turned off for the night.
Local TV channels with monster movies on all night (and if you were very lucky you got to watch the Ghoul and his 'altered' movies)
Town Club pineapple soda
Being able to ride your bike without a helmet...sorry that still looks goofy to me.
Making popcorn on the stove

oh I could go on and on...but I find this all to depressing. Not because I am getting old, but because we seem to have lost some of the style and flavor of life. Now we all chat and text and visit electronically so there is no real need to pack up the kids and visit the cousins. We share everything on facebook and twitter each and every bowel movement that Junior has...

Are we more connected...yeah...
Are we better for it...donno...myself, I am still waiting for that phone to ring, dammit!

sisters...

I saw this image and thought it kind of reminded me sisters...my little sister (hey Cindy!) is blond and I am dark haired (this week)...tho to be accurate, my pudgy little hands would be around her throat shaking the be-jebus out of her while she would be screaming bloody murder.
My sisters (well all my siblings) are the oddest collection of people under one roof. None of us are remotely similar...we have very little in common and find each other to be...well, quite frankly: weird.
That's OK...it works.

Sisters should have each others 'back'...yup, um..lets talk, I aint holding back your hair while you puke, bailing you out or co-signing anything. I might need my kidneys and your poor choices are not my problems...harsh, maybe. real, for sure. Need me to come over to help you do something positive...I'm there!

And I don't expect you to approve of my choices either, we are different people with different goals and dreams. Just cuz we came from the same place don't mean we are the same people.

When we were all little I use to watch my older sister get made up for a date...sky-high bee hive and a gallon of 'Aqunet', white lipstick and miniskirt...damn I was so jealous.

And my little sister with her 'Farah-do' hauling her curling iron to school to re-feather it between classes. No hairspray then...it was the 70's!

Then me with my pissy attitude, jeans and t-shirt and my Billy Jean King hairdo...yeah, the rumors were hot and heavy, sorry y'all lost so much cash when I actually got married.

So to my sisters I raise my cold decaf coffee and say...'when are we having the next garage sale?' Yup...that pretty much sums it up.

Finding a doctor...

I may have found the perfect Dr... no not Hugh Laurie...tho I have been a fan since his Blackadder days...nope, my new guy is just wacky enough to actually work out.

The Queen has issues, many issues. Apparently any symptoms associated with any condition will be back-asswards on the Queen...so the process of finding out exactly what the heck is wrong may take a while...a long while, bring a lunch.

Most Dr.s don't even look at me, spending most of the time thinking the assistant must hav gotten the blood pressure wrong, cuz this woman is huge, her BP should be thru the roof...

nope...

and her cholesterol should look like a zip code

it's low.

and she really needs to consider a reduction on those giant boobs...

if you start cuttin' then cut em off...I've seen videos of those reductions and its horrific!

One Dr. actually said...'look I don't have all day, what do you want from me???' really??? is this the kind of bedside manner they teach you in Bombay?

Anywho...I had to have a yearly physical and found this guy...(my last guy moved to Toledo, they guy before him Kansas City, the woman, to Brighton...personally I think they are just telling me they are gone...'oh hell not her...tell her we moved!')

So I have this weight issue..I don't necessarily need anyone with initials behind their name to tell me that. This place makes you weigh in and the scale is on one wall, but the read out is around the corner...I damn near cried!

They have a lab right there...right in the same building including a mammogram machine...holy magnolia! I don't have to go hither and yon to make appointments!!!

Then the Dr. came in...all of about 25 maybe...cool, and he is sporting a diamond in his ear..ok,I like him already.

He sits down and says, 'before we talk about you, lets talk about me'...and we spend the next 10 minutes talking about where he went to school, his dad, his friends, his ideas about life in general and his basic philosophy on medicine...whis is this:

I ain't your babysitter...if I prescribe a medicine for you and you don't take it and are in here every 6 weeks making me beat my head against a wall trying to figure out why the meds ain't working we are going to have problems.

I love it!

I love the straight forward 'don't waste my time and I wont waste yours' attitude.
I love the 'everybody lies' approach that he effectively cuts through and I especially love the 'you are the captain on this ship..lemme know what you want and need and I'll see if we can make it work'.

The Queen waiting to hear from the Princess...

And the Queen does not wait well...

This is Yuka, one of my exchange students...one of the 3 I hosted from Japan. She was and is my daughter, along with Fumika, Shinobu, and all the friends and family I have met in the 15 years I have been working with exchange students. Family, so far away and beyond my reach.

Before anyone says 'but she was only an exchange student'...these kids come and stay for the most gut wrenching time of their life...senior year, in another world with a brand new family in another language. I couldn't do it, the courage and determination of these kids amazes me.

I have laughed myself silly, worried myself sick, grounded, uplifted, cried with and fought with every one of my girls...and they are my girls.

And now during this time of crisis I have only heard back from one, and my heart sinks with every CNN report.

Japan is a country that accepted the concept of earthquakes and prepared for them to the best of anybody's ability. And if any country in the world can deal with this, its Japan.

So with faith that the news will be good, the Queen will stand strong and wait...and Yuka, you are still grounded!

what next...

I seem to having more and more of these face palm moments and I'm not sure if its my age creeping up or the fact that I so rarely deal with carbon based life forms anymore. I try so hard...I do.

Like~ who knew putting a you tube link would cause people to 'un-friend' me...its a song, with the title clearly stated...sorry your Victorian sensibilities have been rattled. Should I go back and change it to FLOCK YOU...

Or the XM people who call me every day...every ding-dong day...sorry about taking you to charm school like that, hope your hearing comes back.

Or the guy who calls me at least once a month to sell insurance...I've told you far too many times~ me selling anything would only result in me being charged with felonious assault and your company firing me for beating the bejubus out of people. Trust me, I aint a people person.

So as I try to 'carry on' in this life I know I will be having many more of these moments, some in real life, some in cyber world...and no doubt will tell everyone about them so I can be assured its not just me.

Is it????

The Queen haz spoken!

Making a list and checking it twice and not in a good way!

Getting old really sucks, it sucks on levels I never thought of and in ways that indicate to me I haven't really evolved. My hair is grey, my lips disappear, my boobs hang like Spanish moss and yet I wake up with a zit...what is that about???

Gas Pricing is akin to playing the lottery and your only hope is to buy low, drive less and build a distillery in the back yard for the DIY ethanol.

I will never ever understand computers...how can I make sense of anything that you turn off with the start button.

As I get older my language gets worse...what the &^&% bl(*&&, fr*&^&%&^6 hell is going on??? yup, the queen is turning into Maxine.

And I know I am getting too old cuz when people say ohhh...aint 'he' hot' the first thing I think is: he needs some hair, why is he wearing eye liner, and I wonder if his old man is available?.

Popular culture is watching the first installment of Twilight on ABC family so I can at least sound like I give a crap. 'sparkle this, you hipster vampire'.

Esty, oh my dear lord, give me a minute to catch up with the latest cluster...heaping them on me all at once is making my head explode! FYI, for those of you who don't know...don't ask.

I am too old to train a puppy...

I am too old to wear ironic t-shirts.

I am too old to think techno music has any value.

I am too old to shop at forever 21 (old, fat and have taste).

I am too old to pull off the flat, straight hair.

I am too old to stay up late watching Craig Ferguson.

sigh, all this is making me tired, I gotta lay down before my judge shows start.