Reflections on Mothers day

I am in the process of making some items for Mother's day and find myself thinking about some of the gifts I gave my mother. I got to admit they were all pretty lame. All the way from the macaroni encrusted soup can all to the pearl ring I bought with my employee discount at Best Products, Co. Inc. Yup, the gifts I gave were more about me than her.

My mom was a very practical, no nonsense, prickly kinda person. Those sickly sweet mothers day cards, boxes of candy and bouquets of flowers (fresh picked from the vacant field across the street) were just barely tolerated and disposed of as soon as possible. My mom wanted things that made sense to her, the problem with that was no one knew what that was. She loved flowers, but outside growing, not slowly dieing in a vase, sure to be knocked over by some wayward cat. She made her own candy, so to pay for an overpriced box of Whitmans only irritated the be-jebus out of her. She didn't want any jewelry unless it was the good stuff, thank you very much! (and only wore it on 'good' occasions which apparently never came) Needless to say, we all dreaded Mothers day.

One year, my sister and I completely gave up and went to the local hardware store and bought some canning jars, tiny ones, a size she didn't have and was always complaining about. They were pretty nice with an embossed design, rings and lids and a set of fancy~ schmancy stickers to write on. My dad was furious! He thought that was the most thankless, cold hearted, awful gift known to man...'give your mother some empty jars, what were you thinking!...' he made us go at the last minute and get some flowers. Needless to say, my Mom loved the jars and kept them for 'good'. I never knew if she really liked them or just wanted to piss off my dad...yup, it was that kind of family.

So, I am putting together some things for mothers, sweet necklaces with pearls, hearts, cameos, and all the other schlock associated with MOM...but, just for those mom's like mine, I am gonna make a funky clip with a watch hanging from it, practical and fun...my mom wouldn't have cared for it but would have used it because it worked.

For those of you that don't know, I have started a jewelry business on Etsy. It is made up of found objects made into jewelry (so far). I didn't necessarily want to start this business, I never wanted to be in business for myself. I am a crappy boss and haven't had a pay check in years. (not sure why I stay) Anyway, last week I got my 9 bazillionth rejection email and decided to pack it in, throw in the towel, give up, get over it and move on. Queen G is working full time at dinking around.

To help you understand why I am feeling the way I am, I want to share some actual things that have happened to me in the interview process. First, I have to let you know I am in a rather specialized field; gift and home decor design and product development. A field that most businesses think they can either : A do them selves, or B) do without. The recession has made companies very wary of trying something new and the entire industry is filled with the 'second mouse syndrome' as in...let the first mouse take the chance, the second mouse will get the cheese. So a person with new exciting ideas are wanted and paid well, as long as those ideas are not so new or exciting. So, interviewing has taken me all over the states...from here in Michigan to Jacksonville Fla. I have interviewed in Kokomo, Fort Wayne, New York, Dallas, Marshall Texas, about every suburb in Chicago, Indianapolis, Omaha and Minneapolis. I have driven in snow storms, flew during thunderstorms, and taken the train a few times. To say I am willing and eager to work is an understatement.

So, just for funzies I will share some of the interesting comments made to me in the interview process:

1) My personal favorite, after having driven to Indianapolis: 'We knew we didn't want you for THIS job, but we wanted to meet you. (Thanks, that's 400 miles I wont get back.)

2) After driving to Grand Rapids in an ice storm: 'Wow, thanks for coming...the job isn't available anymore, but we appreciate your willingness to come in this weather'. ever hear of a phone?

3) After flying in to Omaha, taking an entire series of tests that involved writing a poem about a candy dish, taking a personality test, a hand writing analysis, drawing lawn ornaments, coming up with a new design for a clothes hanger, meeting with everyone from the President of the company down to the head of shipping...'We've decided not to fill the position'

4)" We were kinda hoping to find someone with some taste", well crap, you shoulda said!

5) " We aren't exactly sure you would fit in with the rest of the staff, they are young and vibrant"...huh???

6) We love what you can do, your portfolio is great, and you have the experience we are looking for, but think we want to go in another direction...if you know any one else, please let us know." yeah, you betcha!

7) After being flown into Jacksonville: "its between you and another person, and frankly the other person is better"...well, nuff said.

8) 'Your skills and abilities far outweigh our needs at this time'...that' the nicest kiss off ever!

9) "I would hire you right now if you lived closer"...didja notice that my resume had my address???

10) "Our concern is that you will be bored"

So, after the last ' thanks but no thanks' I think I am done. I am tired of answering the same tired old standard HR questions, of buying new interview outfits and printing resumes. I am tired of talking to '20 something' HR people who have no idea what my profession involves, begging people to review my portfolio or having people give me backhanded compliments that they think I am too stupid to get...I am tired of waiting for the phone to ring, I'm just flippin' tired.

Career builder, Monster, Yahoo Jobs, you have been my constant companion every morning for a few years, and I wont miss you. I wont miss looking for local jobs and finding 3 in a 100 mile radius...all involving the health industry, I wont miss sending resumes and getting 'out of office' replies, and I for sure and for certain wont miss interviewing....it's been real and it's been fun, but not real fun.

The Queen as housewife

I am not a house keeper, not at all, wasn't born to it, can't understand the logic of it, basically hate it. And I live out in boondocks central where we have visitors (not counting my loyal jewelry making coven and the misguided JW) maybe once a year. The odds of me having a 'dinner party' are about the same as Howard Stern for President. I am not lazy I just don't care. People come because they want to see me, if you come to see the house, make an appointment.

So I am going to rant a bit about housework as it applies to me.

1) I don't wash junk...I don't keep cool whip bowls, butter tubs or plastic forks. There probably should be a land fill named after me, but I just don't do it.

2) Dogs shed, get over it...

3) Laundry will be done as soon as I get to it...My mother had a laundry day that stretched into the night, but she was using a wringer and various tubs of water...I got a machine.

4) Anything is better than cleaning...it is a boring, thankless job that is never done. No one cares unless its not done and I don't care either way.

5) Cooking is fun on TV...when there are people to shop, chop and wash. There are people who enjoy the process but for me its like watching a person slowly unravel an Afghan and leaving the yarn on the floor.

6) Fabreeze is a miracle and should be listed in the nation register.

7) Washing the dishes is a part of cooking...and while I hate it, they must be done as soon as possible...if only to avoid the whole egg yolk as cement thing and the 'where did these little flys come from' conversation. My solutions: exchange students.

8) Don't put it down, put it away! Gawd, I need that tattooed across my forehead.

9) I understand the whole dusting thing, just not the point.

10) If someone in my house leaves some schmuge in the drain there is a good possibility it will be on their plate at dinner time...same goes for undies, chewing gum and tissues.

11) Craft supplies, books in neat piles and anything in antique ball jars are there for 'effect' and are exempt from the cleaning process. Old mail, 3 week old newspapers and teenage fashion magazines are considered trash 24 hours after I tell you to move them.

12). Don't expect much and you wont be disappointed.

My house will never be sparkling clean, it will never be listed in 'Log Home' Magazine or be used as an example of anything...it also wont be on "how clean is your house' or 'Hoarders", its comfortable and relaxing and that's exactly what I was hoping for.

Finding my way

I am terrible with directions, terrible! I couldn't tell you if I were going north, south or anyplace in between. Left and right are basically a good concept but if I couldn't make an 'L' with my hand, I would be guessing. Ask anyone who knows me..I am just a big old bag of confusion when I need to go anywhere. Mapquest, don't get me started on that...last time I used mapquest I was heading to Canton, Ohio and ended up in Pennsylvania. Onstar is my only salvation and all car purchases have been made by the availability of it. They have helped me find my way, settled arguments with David, found us restaurants, antique malls and service shops. The good people at Onstar have talked me down, calmed my nerves and got me through...I love Onstar!

The biggest problem for me is I am married to a person who is fanatical about directions...ask him to draw you a map and it will include every road sign, fire hydrant and dog house on the way. He also insists on never taking the same way twice...to anywhere. If you call for directions to my house I will tell you, take US 12 and turn...(making the L sign) Left. He will start with ' heading south go 3/10th of a mile till you reach the gas station, making a slight turn, go through the light, go another ...bla bla bla..." whatever.

And I have found that directions are important...and I mean like, IMPORTANT important...not like the directions of a bag of microwave popcorn important, but more like defibrillator important... And while I try, I am not a 'detail' person, so directions are good to have. Give me good directions, with pictures and tiny arrows pointing to the important bits and I am good. Assume I know what you are talking about and I will be calling you from Pennsylvania, in the rain, in the middle of the night, pissed off and wondering why my Miata doesn't have Onstar.

Boomer bust

I am a boomer, as in Baby-Boomer. Not sure how or why my generation was given this title and not sure I like it but what the heck. So, being a boomer I have lived through some interesting things. First and foremost for me was that Sunday night when my boyz were on Ed Sullivan. I remember it like it was yesterday...all my cousins sitting around at our house transfixed in front of the tv ( about the size of a mini cooper) waiting for the EVENT to take place. We all busted out in screams when THEY hit the screen...my Dad, coffee in hand, walked into the room and stood for a minute and said...'look at the hair on those 8-balls' shook his head and walked back to the kitchen. Life as I knew it would never be the same. And I fell for the whole package, the shoes, (beatle boots) the trading cards, records, books, magazines (tiger beat, 16...), bobble heads and flicker rings...

Some things about being a boomer are etched in our memories forever...the day Kennedy was shot...our school didn't have a fancy-schmancy intercom system, there was a black phone on the wall that never, ever rang...except this once. My teacher went to the phone, stood for a minute and then turned to us, tears streaming down her face and said...'Children, you are going home early'...for some odd reason, we knew something terrible had happened. And after all, we were taught to expect the end of the world..tuck and roll if we are on fire, hide under our desks in case of a bomb, 'duck and cover' the cheerful little song went. Buses took us home that cold November day to a house filled with silence and Walter Cronkite trying to make sense of it all.

The day Martin Luther King was shot, then Bobby Kennedy...we were getting use to the horrible things and took refuse in those four 8-balls who sang about 'love, love, love...all you need is love'

My heart has wings

My newest item in my Etsy shop. I like it because I have always liked the concept of a heart that has wings. Something about the image draws me to it...a flying heart, spreading love. Kinda sappy, sure. I'm not a sappy person, generally I am kinda the Rosalind Russel to the worlds Julie Andrews. My personality tends to drift towards the cynical and ironic, rather than cute and fuzzy. Don't show me pictures of your kids cuz I'm only gonna have to lie...'yup, that's a baby all right, made that yourself, didja..good job'

I also am not too warm and cuddly but play me a patriotic country song about someones daddy being killed in a war or the factory shutting down and I am weeping buckets. I can't even pony up enough concern over natural disasters (my bad, I know...) but show me a oil covered duck and I will be filled with outrage. Weird...maybe its because people should generally know not to live in a town that is under sea level, but the duck never saw it coming...who knows.

I wish I were more sentimental, the kind of person that will rush to your side when something bad happens...I do try ( I do!) but if you got arrested for drunk driving, don't call me to bail your happy ass out...get comfy, cuz you are staying put! I only got 2 kidneys, and they are mine! I can't loan you any cash, co-sign a loan or take you in...good luck, god bless...have a nice day.

Having said that, I will drive to your house to help move, paint, clean, (well...maybe not clean) go to your garage sale, hold your hand while having contractions, hold your hair while you are puking, bring food (I may even cook) go to funeral homes, hospitals and churches. I will do what I can if I know you are doing what you can. And after all, isn't that the essence of a good friend???

reflections on motivations

I am a coffee drinker, any kind, any place, any where. 90 degrees or minus 10. Cold, luke warm, black, with cream or instant...doesn't matter, I need my java. I got the lingo down and my coffee shop (a place that use to be called Beaners but in a wave of political correctness gone mad, is now called BigB.) my drink of choice is a Venti decaf-Lotte with sugar free vanilla and skim milk...aka the 'why bother'. I love it but at $4 a cup, I make due with Speedway de-caf and french vanilla cappuccino...$1.

I love my coffee and make no apologies for it. My neurologist (a lovely woman who loves to ruin my day) has decided I am not allowed caffeine or artificial sweeteners. (yes, I know how bad they are bad for me, I get it!!!) So I have to use in moderation. She is also insisting on a fat free-fiber infused-fresh vs fried lifestyle...yeah...sure, whatever you say Dr. Granola. I will wear my seat belt, not smoke, avoid fried food, no red meat...but give leave me my coffee!

Coffee is a social thing..'lets go get some coffee' sounds so much more inviting than , 'hey, wanna grab a big ole' tub of tofu and some bean sprouts'. Coffee cake, yeah, you betcha...soy milk and a wheat germ bar...um, no...coffee makes me happy.

My husband is not a coffee drinker, never has liked the taste. He also doesn't drink, smoke or swear...(not sure what he is doing with me) so he doesn't quite get my need but will dutifully drive miles out of his way to get me my coffee. Good man, (or maybe he just doesn't want to deal with the 3 headed ghidra that I turn into when I don't get my fix).

And, I have been caffeine free for years now so its not that. Its the 'how can it possibly be morning, I have no coffee' mind set I have. I come by this naturally, my parents had a pot going 24/7...mom bought a restaurant bun-o-matic and everyone that came in, got their coffee and sat at the kitchen table for some tall tales, out right lies or penny ante poker. So, grab a cup and enjoy the rest of your day, I got mine, its gone cold, got a rainbow oil slick on top and grounds on the bottom...just right!